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growing up I spent most of my allowance and babysitting money on magazines and disposable cameras. which is why it was a total shock to everyone that knew me that I ended up in retail brand marketing and photography, a joke obviously.
but I can remember being 13, reading the latest issue of Allure, and I can vividly recall my first hit on consumerism. I was reading an article about the best colors of eyeshadows for your eye color and not just that but also the best way to apply eyeshadow for your eye shape. SOLD, I thought.
all I need to change my entire life is this plumy purple eyeshadow and to contour my hooded lids. I’ll ask my mom to take me to the local drugstore and life will be forever changed as I know it!
and this is how marketing works. or at least the best marketing. marketing boiled down sells you on the idea of a before the product and an after. great marketers sell a lifestyle. if you buy this product, you buy this life. people don’t buy something because they need it, they buy to feel something. it’s all a very emotional process.
and I’m not saying it’s bad. because 26 years later, I still feel like a brand new woman when I buy a new lip gloss. (these are my favorite — I’ve bought Disco three times)
but there’s a fine line and it’s so easy to cross over, especially as women. being sold a before and after story is deeply rooted on a subconscious level for us. and so it makes perfect sense that we can catch ourselves hopping on every bandwagon we see.
it starts with an eyeshadow but 20-something years later it looks more like: you want to change your life? get up at 5am! you want to look good? do yoga! no, do pilates! no, get 10,000 steps! no, now you have to lift heavy weights! and take creatine! and use non-toxic makeup! don’t say “be careful” to your kids! don’t work out too hard, you’re in your luteal phase! delay your caffeine to manage your cortisol!
which is where I draw a thick black line. I will never be delaying my caffeine, are you kidding me?
and this is the very point. in 2026 we are overloaded with information in a way we’ve never been before. people are selling to us all day long. whether it’s an eyeshadow or a morning routine, we are being sold “just do this one thing, buy this one thing and life will be better!” and then we get the thing and life…generally stays the same.
and I think this is where things get especially interesting for women and mothers. because we’re not just being sold products anymore. we’re being sold instructions for who to be. and those instructions change on a weekly basis according to the latest Instagram guru or out of context study published.
there’s also this idea of online identities that can get unnecessarily polarizing really quickly. look at the tradwives thing, and honestly I hate that I’m even bringing it up because personally I’m so over talking about it, but unfortunately it is the best example to state my case lol.
it’s a slippery slope from “oh I love following this person’s recipe!” to “omg I have to buy that apron because Nara Smith was wearing it and I have to buy her lipstick and her mixing bowl because if I’m not exactly like her I can’t be labeled as a tradwife.” (which by the way, all the tradwives out there aren’t tradwives, people, they are marketers, very good ones, and they are making more than their husbands, and it’s all smoke and mirrors) but it makes my point.
if we want to drive it home, let’s take this whole “butter mom” label that came out of nowhere this summer. I think if you’re like “oh yeah, I could totally be a butter mom” and then you see that butter mom allows unlimited screen time, but that makes you uncomfortable, and suddenly you’re like “but if I’m a butter mom, should I be letting my kids have unlimited screens?”
every single day there is a new “best way to be a mom!” on the internet. a new trend, a new label, a new strategy, a new opinion, a new study…it’s all a lot. and it’s not coincidental that as millennial moms we’re constantly having this conversation of losing ourselves in motherhood. what if it’s not actually about motherhood at all, but it’s about getting lost in online comparison, media portrayal and hyper-consumerism instead?
enter me becoming obsessed with the idea of developing a stronger POV. I was listening to a podcast (can’t remember which one!) when someone said “no one has a strong POV anymore” and it hit me like a sack of bricks because honestly it’s so true.
it’s why I have become disenchanted with Instagram, because everyone just does the same trend over and over and it lacks true POV and originality. which ironically, “POV:” is a hot internet trend still.
and please know I’m not yucking your yum. if you stay with me this entire post you’ll get it. if doing those trends sparks your creativity and is so fun for you, please keep doing them!! and when I say I’ve become disenchanted with it, I’m not saying it in a mean girl way. it’s that watching the same content over and over is very uninspiring for my creativity.
and okay fine, I am also curious if maybe hopping on social media trends is slowly killing people’s creativity? because I know when I hop on a creativity trend I’m like “oh this is an easy lift for me, I’ll play” because I’m too busy or stressed to think of my own original ideas.
and I think it makes total sense to live in the world we live in and have muddy points of view. 2020 really made us terrified to be different because you could sneeze wrong and get publicly cancelled online. but being different is what makes life exciting. when we are all the muddy version of same same, it’s kind of boring as shit?
so let’s be clear about what I actually mean by having a POV, because it’s not just a hot take. it’s not being contrarian just to get a reaction, which is a whole other rabbit hole we could fall down. it’s not refusing to ever change your mind, that’s just stubbornness and TBH a boring way to live your life. a POV is knowing what you like. what you believe. and most importantly, what you value. and what you genuinely could not care less about. what you’re willing to opt out of, even if everyone around you is opting in.
I actually had this moment last Fall, I had just lost 50 pounds in a year (no drugs! here’s how I lost the first 25lbs) and was so excited to buy new clothes. except I went overboard on buying from Amazon influencers and everywhere I went I saw other moms in the same outfit as me and as someone who (clearly) values originality, it was an eye opening moment because fashion and getting dressed is an important part of my self expression. my POV. my stake in the ground. because
I remember being in high school and making sure I dress in what the other girls were wearing to stay safe in the friend group. but I also remember loving things and not wearing them out of fear and thankfully I grew out of that in my 20s. and so I actually took a six months break from buying new clothes so I could have a minute to get to know my own taste again instead of the knee jerk reaction of buying an entire Amazon outfit from an influencer. (again not a bad thing if it feels truly intentional and exciting for you!)
so maybe at this point you’re nodding your head and you’re ready to get back to your own POV?
here’s some of mine: I don’t do athleisure wear in public unless I’m working out in public, never did a gender reveal, and I don’t do goody bags for kid parties. and I’ve stopped explaining why. it’s not that I think they’re wrong, plenty of moms I love do all three beautifully. it’s that somewhere along the way I actually asked myself if I wanted to, and the honest answer was no. not “I’m too busy,” not “I’m not that kind of mom,” just: no, this isn’t for me. that’s a POV. it’s not a personality, it’s not a stance I’ll defend on Instagram, it’s just taking a stake in my own life because it’s mine.
we’re all obsessed with being a 90s mom, but in my opinion the reason we’re obsessed with it isn’t being talked about. everyone talks about wanting to be a 90s mom, but being a 90s mom has nothing to do with screen time or activities or snacks. 90s moms had their own POV and weren’t swayed by the latest NYT article on parenting. they were too busy living their lives to read shit like that.
I grew up with parents who had busy lives. they both worked and had a huge social life. they never helped me with homework. they gave me autonomy and independence and the space to develop my own thoughts and opinions. and because they weren’t constantly hovering over me creating sensory bins or activities to keep me from boredom, I became insanely creative. and, shocker, I mostly wrote. I actually wrote several TV show scripts as a child. poems, novels, I created characters and drew them and created worlds around them. if we’re not careful, over-optimizing motherhood is going to lead to over-optimizing their childhood.
and so personally I think that if we’re going to focus on enjoying motherhood instead of constantly optimizing it, we need to establish a stronger point of view for ourselves. one that’s not easily broken by the next hot supplement, or another parenting strategy. because when we have a strong POV, we are so much better at filtering out the bullshit and the shit that’s just not for us. having a strong POV allows you to opt out without explanation.
and if you’ve been over-optimizing for the last few years like me, I’m building us a step-by-step process to get off this crazy train and develop a much stronger sense of self for us. one that’s ours and not a combination of our favorite influencers or latest parenting expert.
so if you’ve been feeling like you’ve lost your own opinion somewhere between the influencers and the algorithm and the group chat, and you’re ready to actually get it back, this post is for you.
now, let’s get into it. I’ll tell you...
the question I ask myself to tell the difference between what I actually want and what I only think I should want
the real moment I realized I’d let Amazon influencers steal my fashion taste and how I got it back
the one word I catch myself saying that instantly tells me I’m about to do something that isn’t mine
how I stopped outsourcing every small decision to Google, ChatGPT, and Reddit, and the cookbook that started the whole thing
the specific, unglamorous way I make space to just be with my own thoughts, and why it matters more than any productivity hack ever did
because you don’t need to overhaul your whole life to feel like yourself again. you just need your own POV back.
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