Presents 🎁 or Presence?

To give or not to give - that is the question?

There are many reasons why we give gifts 🎁 - and if we're being totally honest, often our gift giving is often ‘loaded’ with expectations of reciprocation, or pressured by feelings of duty. It is rare, in these days, to experience a gift that is given out of pure unconditional love - with no hidden agenda. Even Birthday and Christmas gifts 🎁 can feel like an obligation when they become something we just ‘always’ do - like an annual habit - albeit a very pleasant one!

I must confess, I have always been a big gift giver - it is one of my primary love languages. 💜 I have a habit of remembering random little things about people. For instance - if you happen to mention pink is your favourite colour - I will forever think of you when something pink 💗 catches my eye! I’m also kind of an impulse buyer. It feels good to me to show someone I’m thinking of them and to share with them something cool I’ve found on my travels. This often results in my friends being surprised by some esoteric gift or small trinket I’ve seen that reminds me of them.

Something I’ve noticed more recently is how our differing styles of relating impact the way we view spontaneous gift giving - and how we respond when ‘surprised’ by an unsolicited gift. Some people view it 🎁 as manipulation - as if there are hidden strings attached! They feel uncomfortable or pressured to respond. 🤔 I guess this is partly due to individual life experiences - often in childhood - when perhaps gifts came with some kind of unrealistic expectation or were given/withheld as punishment or reward.

It feels sad to me to think that so many people feel unworthy of receiving gifts 🎁 that it makes them feel uncomfortable or even annoyed. Yet we are all so different in the way we experience love.

Other people simply glow when someone showers them with affectionate gifts or offers to pay for their meal or holds open a door for them - some may only actually feel loved and validated by the size and value of the gifts they receive - whilst yet others may feel embarrassed and awkward and want to skip the whole gift giving scenario altogether. So often we misinterpret each other on the issue of gifts. What seems wonderful to one - feels terrible to another! How to know which is which?

It never ceases to amaze me how very complex we all are in our relating. We misunderstand each other and make assumptions based on our inner understanding - our own style of being. It is as if we all speak a different language and despite feeling we know one another we are constantly interpreting cues that come less from our spoken words - and more from our felt senses.

I have given this some thought the past few years - recognising that what suits one person doesn’t suit everyone! There is no - ‘one size fits all’ when it comes to expressing love. For some it will be flowery words and gifts 🎁 for others it will be action 🎬 - like your neighbour who always puts your bins out for you when you’re away! It is often the little things - the spontaneous acts of care - that are expressions of love ❤️ we sometimes forget amidst all the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

In conclusion, I believe that it is our intention that is the motivating force behind all our actions - that can display our love in far greater measure than any gift ever could. Our authentic relating will always surpass any gift we could give or receive.

YOU are actually the gift 🎁 in each and every circumstance. So whether or not there is any physical exchange, the evidence of love is present in YOU - with or without a gift.

I hope this short reflection will give you food for thought as we approach the season of gift giving. That you will consider the reasons for your gifts 🎁 and give them only with love and not duty - because believe me, everyone will feel the difference - even though they may not be able to articulate it.

With much love

Carole 💜💜💜