“The tools don’t work in the moment”
“I can’t remember to use them when I’m triggered”
“It doesn’t work when I’m in it”
When you’re anxious, overwhelmed, reactive, or just out-right triggered, the part of your brain that helps you think clearly and use these coping strategies isn’t working very well.
You may have heard some psychologists describe this as part of the brain “going offline.”
People tell me that when someone hasn’t texted back, their toddler is screaming, or their boss says “Can we have a chat?”, all the tools they’ve been learning suddenly feel useless, and they find themselves in a complete panic.
I think we can all remember times when grounding techniques, breathing exercises, or mindset shifts that usually help felt impossible to access.
It’s your brain and body responding to a perceived threat - and actually this is your human-ness - it’s your body working as you would expect.
When your nervous system feels overwhelmed, it naturally prioritises protection over problem-solving. So let me really make the point very clear if you’ve ever struggled to use your tools in the moment, that’s not because you’re failing…It’s because you’re human.
Please believe me though, when I say that understand how frustrating that can feel
I have well and truly been the girl that was putting my ALL into self-help and still then getting majorly triggered and anxious - acting in ways I hated especially when it came to relationships.
I’m sure you can relate - you promised yourself you would handle it differently next time. You told yourself you’d stay calm, use the techniques, and respond instead of react.
Then the next trigger comes along and suddenly it feels too hard.
That’s why understanding your nervous system is so important.
The more you understand what’s happening inside you, the less likely you are to blame yourself and the more able you become to work with your nervous system rather than against it.
My approach is wrapped up in self-compassion, so I love helping people to say BYE to self-blame.
If you want to change your relationship with triggers, the most important work happens when you’re not triggered.
The goal isn’t to wait for a difficult moment and hope a tool will magically fix everything.
The goal is to practise the tools that support you regularly in everyday life, so they become familiar, automatic, and easier to access when things get difficult. If you only practise setting boundaries when someone is asking too much of you, it can feel impossible. But if you regularly check in with your needs and practise saying small “no’s” in daily life, it becomes much easier to do when the stakes are higher.
Think of it like training for a sport.
You don’t build strength during the game itself. You build it through consistent practice beforehand.
The same is true for emotional regulation.
Every time you practise grounding, self-compassion, breathwork, movement, or other supportive strategies while you’re calm, you’re strengthening your nervous system’s ability to respond differently in the future.
These tools are also most effective in the early stages of activation, before you become completely overwhelmed. Let’s say you notice yourself getting irritated when your partner is asking lots of questions after a stressful day, taking a moment to pause, breathe, or communicate your needs at that point is often far easier than trying to regulate yourself after an argument has already started.
The more familiar you are with your own warning signs, the more likely you are to catch them early and intervene before a trigger fully takes over.
Just imagine what could change if you recognised those signs sooner.
Please here me - one of the biggest misconceptions about healing is that progress means you stop getting triggered altogether.
That is not true. Read it again, because you will get triggered again - so beating yourself up for that or expecting otherwise will just create more suffering.
In reality, progress often looks like:
Recovering more quickly
Staying present for longer
Recognising what’s happening sooner
Responding with greater awareness
Being kinder to yourself afterwards
Those changes matter.
They are signs that the work is working, even when it doesn’t always feel like it in the moment.
My Single Session Package is designed for people who find themselves getting easily triggered and feeling overwhelmed by their reactions.
Together, we’ll take a deep dive into your specific triggers, how they show up in your life, and what happens in your mind and body when they become activated.
We’ll identify practical tools and strategies that fit you, rather than relying on generic advice that may not suit your needs.
The aim is to help you:
Understand your trigger patterns
Recognise your early warning signs
Build a personalised toolkit
Know what to do before, during, and after activation
When you understand your triggers and have the right tools in place, it becomes much easier to respond differently.
And over time, those small shifts can create meaningful changes in your inner peace, relationships, confidence, and overall wellbeing.
or
No posts
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.