Supporting parents of students who "Don't know what they want to do"

Every spring term, the same concern surfaces, not just for careers advisers and leaders but for parents too.

Parents worry their child “still doesn’t know what they want to do.”
Students feel behind because friends sound decisive.
Staff start to panic about applications and deadlines and SLT start to worry about destinations data.

Here’s the truth. Uncertainty at 15, 16 or 17 is not a problem to fix. It is a normal stage of development.

As careers advisers and leaders, this is a message we need to communicate clearly and consistently to allay the worries of staff, students and parents too.

Most young people are still forming their identity during secondary school. Expecting them to commit confidently to a career pathway can be unrealistic. Research shows career thinking evolves through exposure, experience and reflection, not pressure.

Spring term often magnifies anxiety because:

• Post-16 applications are being confirmed.

• Post-18 offers are arriving.

• Peers may well appear confident, even if they aren’t.

• Parents want reassurance.

Your role is to normalise exploration rather than rush premature decisions.

Many parents believe there is one correct route and one defining choice. That narrative is reinforced by league tables, social media and well-meaning relatives. The latter two sources of ‘advice’ are often outdated and/or just plain wrong. Not in a nasty way, but simply because the educational world changes rapidly but also because the workplace is vastly different to the workplace that their parents and grandparents entered as school/college/uni leavers in the 1970s, 80s or even the noughties.

You can counter this by emphasising:

• Most routes remain flexible

• Many careers do not require early specialisation

• Transferable skills matter more than narrow choices

• Career paths are rarely linear. At this point I usually bring in the quote by Dominic Cadbury, “It’s not a career path, it’s crazy paving and you lay it yourself.”

Use practical examples. Students taking A levels can move into higher education, higher apprenticeships or employment. Those on apprenticeships can progress to degrees. Learners on T Levels can enter skilled employment or higher study. Keeping doors open is often more realistic than “finding the dream job.”

When a student says, “I don’t know,” it often means:

• They don’t know enough yet

• They haven’t had enough exposure to possibilities

• They fear choosing wrongly

Encourage conversations around:

• Subjects they enjoy, for example Do you prefer practical work, coursework, discussion or exams?

• Environments they prefer, for example Do you prefer working on your own or in a team?

• Skills they feel confident using, for example What do people often ask you for help with?

• Problems they care about solving for example Are there issues in the world that interest or frustrate you?

This shifts the conversation from “What job will you do forever?” to “What’s your next sensible step?”

This is where careers leaders can make a tangible difference.

Reassurance messaging

• Include a short piece in parent newsletters normalising uncertainty. Paid subscribers have access to a ready made piece for the newsletter or website.

• Use assemblies to explain that exploration is part of career development.

Low-pressure exploration

• Promote open days for sixth forms, colleges and training providers.

• Share balanced information about apprenticeships via the National Apprenticeship Service.

• Direct families to impartial information such as National Careers Service.

1:1 guidance

• Prioritise students who feel stuck rather than those who already appear confident, but don’t completely forget the latter, they may be doing swan impressions and paddling super fast below the surface. Your triaging systems should give you a good guide as to who is most in need. Consider targeted group sessions for those that appear confident.

• Frame guidance as exploration, not decision-making.

Staff development

• Remind teaching staff that subject advocacy should not become pathway pressure.

Parents do not need to have labour market expertise. They need to:

• Listen

• Ask open questions

• Avoid comparison

• Avoid panic

Your communications this term can prevent unnecessary tension at home. Paid subscribers have access to a fully customisable sheet to support parents in asking supportive questions.

Indecision is not failure. It is a stage.

If we reduce pressure and increase exposure, most young people move forward with greater clarity and confidence.

Spring term is not about forcing certainty. It is about creating space for informed next steps.