THIS WASN'T WHAT I HAD IN MIND

Girl.

GIRL.

You are not gonna believe this shit. You might wanna pour a glass of wine.

Okay, I don’t know how else to say this but…you live in Florida right now. And no, not somewhere glamorous like Miami or Palm Beach. You live in Jacksonville.

It’s okay, I had never heard of it either.

Let me back up. Remember how you were in situationships with all those losers? Buying love candles and doing literal witchcraft to get those guys to text you? Obsessively hiring psychics and tarot readers to decode your dating life? You’re never going to have to do that shit again.

Because you’re ENGAGED!!

I know, right!? (the ring is huge, by the way).

Okay. And get this. You’re gonna meet him reading one of your crazy dating essays in an off-Broadway show. He’s also going to read his own crazy dating essay. Yes, bitch, you’re marrying a dramatic writer — just like you! Don’t worry, he’s not a Leo, but he acts like one sometimes. We’ll get into that another time.

You guys fall really hard for each other. He flips your life upside down in the wildest of ways. You start off in a long distance relationship, and you break up with him like a thousand times. He’s a really good guy, you just met him in your mutually unhinged eras, and the two of you royally fuck things up a few times.

You’re also really, really scared. Because this is the kind of love you’ve never had.

But every time you’re apart, you find your way back to each other.

(You’re gonna get so much material out of this, by the way).

I know you swore you’d never leave New York. But you start to realize you’re actually really lonely there. You’re chasing all these things that you think will make you happy. And none of them are.

So you move. For love.

It’s hard as hell, and you miss New York every day. You miss the culture. You miss the street art. You miss sitting inside 7B and drinking your mini Moëts. You miss seeing people with style.

Unfortunately you also shop at Walmart sometimes. I’m sorry! They really do have everything.

But you are building a really amazing life down here. Your relationship is thriving. You guys really figured some shit out together. This man would do anything for you. You have so much fun together. He’s your best friend.

I’m really proud of you for listening to your gut.

Also. You drive a car! Like, on highways. It’s that cute little Mercedes SUV you always wanted. Most of the time, you make him drive it though, lol.

Oh, and you have three stepdaughters now!

Yes, we have more wine.

I know you said you never wanted kids, but they’re awesome. They’re older too, so you’re not like, changing diapers or anything, don’t worry. You actually get to take them shopping and stuff, and you all love Taylor Swift. They’re pretty awesome girls. But unfortunately you do partake in school car lines.

So yeah, life is pretty different these days! But it’s really fucking beautiful. It’s also really uncomfortable sometimes.

You are a different woman.

But you’re happier than you ever imagined you’d be.

And I love that for you.

Talk soon,
Cara

PS - If you want to meet the version of me I’m writing to, check out my book, Don’t Do Anything I Would Do. And give that girl a hug for me, will you?