“It’s a lot easier to add in good things than take out ‘bad’ ones.”

In the past few years, the discussion about screen time has shifted. What once felt like a personal struggle, managed through strict limits and clever workarounds, is increasingly shaped by shared rules in classrooms, communities, and wider society—especially for young people. Alongside growing awareness of the downsides of constant connectivity and rising momentum around regulation, there’s also a quieter turn toward real connection and more intentional ways of spending our precious time. Think crafting together, going for a walk, or just being a little less online.

Katia Martha has experienced this firsthand, both as a digital native and through her work with the NoSo Connection Collective, a youth-led nonprofit that organizes an annual social media detox. In this conversation with Executive Director Carolyn Gan, she reflects on what it looks like for young people to step back from the attention economy without rejecting technology altogether, and how families can work together to recenter connection and offline life. Rather than focusing on restriction, her approach centers on addition: making space for creativity, community, and time away from the screen.

Carolyn Gan: When did you start thinking critically about screen use, or the role that technology is playing in young people’s lives now?

Katia Martha: I got my first phone in middle school. My personal device usage only started becoming an issue in high school. I was losing a lot of time online, losing track of time, and it would interfere with my homework, my sleep.

All of my friends were discovering it, too. There was more news coverage about it. My parents were talking to me about being mindful about it. It all seemed to rise up at once.

And then The Social Dilemma came out. When I saw that, it really solidified for me that we’re all caught up in this attention economy. There was this moment at the end of the film where they’re like, if you want to look into more resources about how to manage your screen time and take your attention and agency back, look at our website. I leapt onto their website. I knew I wanted to take more control back.

CG: You said your parents talked to you about how to be mindful of usage. How did they approach you?

KM: I am so lucky to have a great relationship with my parents. We had several conversations over the years about screen time usage and how to manage that. It always came from a place of care. Sometimes it was more about, ‘we just need to limit this’ or ‘we need to take it away.’

What resonated with me about the [California Partners Project’s] Social Emotional Health Guide is this aspect of co-creation with youth, collaborating about what it could look like for you to manage your screen time with also some agency. Coming from the kids’ side of things and not just a parent telling you how to do something. Because I think a lot of kids, myself included, will push back against that.

“Unfortunately, you can’t force someone to change even if you can see that it’s harming them, and even if you have an inclination that they can see that too. It has to really come from them, and that’s why I think it’s important to lead with curiosity and open conversation. Be someone your kid can talk to.”

CG: What should parents understand about what a child is really asking for when they keep reaching for a screen?

KM: First of all, addictive design. Even if you’re having a perfectly great, fine day, sometimes those attractive, bright colors and quick videos can hook all of us.

And then there’s this other element that’s a more personal, individual thing, and it’s about which of the psychological needs are being met: autonomy, mastery, or a sense of belonging. I think that can be a big factor to explain why we reach for a screen. Maybe we want to feel more connected, we’re not getting a sense of belonging in our real life, and so we’re reaching for that through the screen. Or we don’t have control in our life, and so we’re reaching for that through the screen.

That’s something to be really mindful about. When you’re reaching for a device, pause and ask yourself, why am I reaching for this? What need might I be looking to fulfill? Can I fulfill that elsewhere?

CG: That’s something families can model. In How to Break Up with Your Phone, Catherine Price says, ‘Why now? Why this? What else?’ Because if I’m looking at a screen for 30 minutes, what am I not doing? Reading, spending time with my family, going for a walk, all of those things that I know make me feel good and make life wonderful.

KM: The way we’re spending our time is who we are. And that time is kind of slipping away from us with our screen use. Be intentional. Think: What type of person do I want to become? How does that person act? What do they do? Is my best version of myself someone who is on their phone for 6 hours a day? That can be really clarifying and motivating.

What I also loved that came up in the Social Emotional Health Guide that y’all created is how there’s space for parents to be a model in a lot of ways. Whether that’s your own screen time usage, and also how you’re regulating your emotions, how you’re sharing about that struggle, and the struggle with managing your own devices. And maybe, if you have the capacity, building up that skill to not immediately reach for the screen, but encourage some more grounding emotional regulation skills.

CG: You mentioned building those emotional regulation skills. What does support actually look like for a parent to give a child who is struggling, both in the moment and leading up to it?

KM: I think one thing that’s been really helpful for me is remembering that a lot of this starts before the moment even happens. Practicing mindfulness, or just talking about feelings, when your child is already calm makes a big difference. It builds that muscle so it’s easier to come back to when there is that struggle.

And then in the moment, I really come back to staying as calm as possible myself. Kids are so attuned to our energy, so the more grounded you can be, the more it helps them regulate too.

Sometimes that looks like going for a walk, stepping outside, changing the environment. And not feeling like you have to address everything right away. You can always come back to it later, when everyone is in a better place to actually talk and reflect.

“There’s a quote I really like: ‘When someone is drowning, it’s not the time to teach them how to swim.’”

A lot of this thinking has also been shaped by what I’ve learned through SEEDS and my own experiences.

CG: We met through the NoSo Connection Collective, which is a youth-led nonprofit that runs an annual social media detox and has a new AI detox. I appreciate that NoSo’s approach isn’t about taking screens away. It’s about making space to try new things. Why do you think that that framing resonates?

KM: I see a parallel in nutrition. It’s a lot easier to add in good stuff than take out ‘bad stuff.’ That is an easier mindset for habit-shifting. Introduce more of what is fulfilling, and you will have less space for all that other stuff.

Also for the NoSo Connection Collective’s whole social detox, we do it together. You’re not alone in struggling and there are other people working on the same thing.

CG: If a family wanted to do this together and create a menu of screen-free things to try when they’re spending less time online, what do you think that teens would be into?

KM: As much as possible, co-create. Every family has their own little culture. You have your things that you’re into. Start there.

What’s popular with teens right now: thrifting, cooking, or baking. And again this is with the caveat that you know yourself and your family best.

I think there are so many benefits to being outside in nature, moving your body, feeling that blood flow and the fresh air on your face. There’s also a biological calm that comes from just looking at trees or even at the color green. I love a family hike or a friend hike.

Finding a fun community event. I would really recommend that because then not only are you connecting within your family, you’re also connecting with the rest of the community. There’s live music, craft fairs, night markets. It depends where you live. Look for those community events.

CG: What about coping strategies? Sometimes defaulting to screens is tied to anxiety or overstimulation. Are there some screen-free coping strategies that you really like or use?

KM: The one you can pick up at any moment, if you’re sitting or standing or on the move, is coming back to your breath. There’s a box breathing technique, where you breathe in for a count of four, and hold for a count of four. Exhale for a count of four, and then hold, and you can keep going around as many times as you need. You can put your hand on your stomach and when you inhale, you’re expanding your stomach like a balloon, and then you exhale and you’re decompressing the balloon.

Also building some space for emotional resilience and processing space, space to even be bored. Sometimes if you’re stepping into meditation for the first time, it’s under-stimulating, boring. I’m just breathing, sitting in a chair; I want to reach for my phone. And it’s practice to build up those skills of tolerance for discomfort or boredom, especially when you’re starting to get into those things.

On the other side of things, it could also be something that you’re doing with your hands, or movement, some hobby that you’re really interested in, crafty things. In my undergrad years, sometimes professors allowed students to crochet or knit in class as a coping mechanism for having anxiety. That just gives your hand something to do. And you also get to create a fun thing out of that.

CG: I love that you mentioned crafts. I often feel like my phone overuse is really a productivity crutch. And there is something about creating with your hands that is also grounding for those of us obsessed with productivity.

KM: Yes, even if you’re still involved in creating videos for social media, being creative is a more engaging and grounding way to stay true to the person you want to become, then just passively consuming things. I want to be creative rather than a passive consumer.

CG: What is one screen-free coping strategy that you personally are finding helpful these days, or that you’re trying to build more into your life?

KM: One thing that I love that I’m doing with NoSo is hosting monthly community events. I’m discovering myself as that type of community event host person, and I love being able to be creative in that way, and dream up fun things that we can all do together. I know that not everyone is going to be doing that, but also, I think so many of us could do that so easily.

There’s so much yearning for connection right now, especially in youth, especially after COVID. Someone will post a photo of themselves with a cheeseball jar, and just say, like, ‘come watch me eat cheese balls at 1PM,’ and 300 people show up. It doesn’t have to be deep. A lot of people are interested in getting together and doing something fun, silly, goofy.

CG: I love that. You can be the person who puts together that gathering, who thinks of the fun thing, whether you’re in a family, whether you’re in a friend group, whether you’re just someone in the community. We all want that real-world connection and to be part of something, and I love that you are being that person for the NoSo community and for others.

KM: Thank you, and thank you for having this conversation with me.

Your Turn!

If you and your family are cutting back on screen time or stepping away from social media, it can help to reflect on what needs those habits have been meeting—and how you might meet those same needs without a device. Here are a few screen-free ideas inspired by the NoSo Connection Collective and our conversation with Katia Martha:

1. Pause: Before reaching for your phone, ask: am I looking for connection, control, or distraction? Try meeting those needs another way such as calling a friend, stepping outside, or making something with your hands.

2. Connection first, conversation later: If emotions are running high, focus on helping your child feel calm and supported. You can always come back to the lesson once things have settled.

3. Co-create a list: Instead of focusing on what to cut, name what you want more of. Is it creativity, movement, connection, or community? Build a simple menu of activities (baking, thrifting, hiking) to match.

4. Be the person: If you’re craving connection IRL, be the one who makes it happen. Plan a simple gathering or do something a little silly together.

5. Practice boredom: Boredom is a skill. Let yourself sit in it a little longer—and model that for the young people in your life.

For more ideas about how to talk with the young people in your life about social emotional health and connection in a digital world, check out our free family guide.

Read the Guide