The internet at large is pretty focused on younger people's voices, but sometimes, it's nice to hear a different perspective. So, when I saw this post on the popular "Aging" subreddit, wherein user kashlalka asked, "What is one thing about getting older that surprised you?" I was intrigued.
Kashlalka began, "When I was young, I thought getting older was only about gray hair or wrinkles. Now I see that many other things change too. Some friends move away. Your hobbies change. You start to think more about how you spend your time. But one good thing is that I worry much less about what other people think."
"What surprised you the most about getting older?" they asked. "Was it something about your body, your mind, your family, or your daily life? I'd love to hear what you have learned over the years." Well, the answers people gave ranged so much and were so interesting, I knew I had to share. So, here are some of the best:
1. "That the body wears out no matter what you do."
"So true. I was a complete gym rat for decades. Hit my mid-60s and WOW! I honestly didn't see it coming how my body didn't care about my desire and obsession to be fit. I'm trying to learn to slow down and accept the changes, but it's so hard emotionally and intellectually."
2. "How much I don't care what other people think, but also how it's much more socially acceptable to not care what other people think."
3. "Nobody warned me that as I got older, I would still worry about my children (23 and 21). It just never occurred to me that I would worry about them until the day I die. They are both thriving, but I can’t change years of habit."
"I asked my 30-year-old if he needed to pee before we caught a flight together. He said, 'I've got it under control, Mom!'"
4. "I was warned, but the warning made no sense: 'Time speeds up, everything goes by so fast when you're older.' Turns out they were right."
5. "Pain. Chronic pain. Non-stop."
6. "Decrease in sex drive. I never thought that would happen to me. And worse? A lot of the time, I just don’t care. I don’t know if this is aging or depression, but people say you care less about what people think as you age. I’m in a place where at least lately, I care less about a hell of a lot of things and have less motivation to deal with them."
7. "That years-old friends were not interested in staying friends. I never imagined I'd be totally alone at just 40. I feel like I invested in the wrong people. It’s very painful to look back and see how they all quietly rejected me."
8. "As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize how ultimately insignificant each one of us is. Anything we have thought in life has probably been thought before. Anything we have done has probably been done before. We aren't 'special.' That may sound depressing to some, but it is also oddly comforting to me (a 50-year-old woman). Whether you’re famous or a complete nobody, we all die and are forgotten at some point. Again, not trying to be dark, just real."
9. "That you're invisible to many. You're not as attractive as you used to be..."
10. "Lack of awareness is a big thing. You look at old people climbing stairs slowly and think that’s what old people do. Then, when it happens to you, you don’t realize, you just think to yourself, 'I'll take the stairs slowly today because I feel a bit tired.'"
11. "The realization that nobody truly cares about you. Friends and family are 100% self-serving and you are on your own. Difficult times? Good luck. At your lowest? They won’t care as long as they have everything they need/want. Extremely eye-opening."
12. "I didn’t know that menopause was going to be hellish!"
"I had terrible heavy periods most of my life — now still can’t quite believe the freedom of not having them — so menopause has had benefits for me."
13. "I'm only 33, but I feel like I've completely morphed into a different person, and nothing prepares you for that."
14. "That all the cranky old people were right. Right about all the advice they gave, about saving money, taking care of your teeth and general health, about getting an education, about working, and about relationships. As a kid, we thought we knew it all and all the cranky old farts were just saying all those things for their own benefit instead of ours."
15. "Exercise, lifting weights, and increased confidence have made me cuter in my 50s than I ever was in my 40s."
16. "Loss of the sparkle of hope for the future. When you are no longer excited about all the possibilities of what life might bring and the ships have now all sailed. Watching a lot of people you know pass away and the reality of life closer to death sets in."
"Surprisingly, the narrowing of my future (I am in my 70s) means that I am much more focused on the present and enjoying life more, even if it's not an adventure."
17. "I’m 54, female, and still feel young. I still feel like I can do anything I want. I am in love, my partner is amazing. I have two great kids. There is a lot of joy. But life is up and down, and it’s complicated. You have to work at it to feel good. But don’t fear it: I truly believe life is what you make it."
18. "To me, the main thing in older age, other than love and financial independence, is health. At 64, I’m still walking/biking 6.3 miles every day. As they say, motion is lotion! Like many others have mentioned, it’s awesome to not give a flying F about what others think!!!"
19. "Health. I always wrongly assumed that if you led a healthy lifestyle — clean eating, regular exercise, preventive care — you'd enjoy better health as you aged. Wasn't true. I developed many issues I never saw coming. (I regret all the Big Macs and margaritas I passed up for nothing! Lol.)"
20. "I joined the workforce at 15 years old, working part-time jobs. Then life moved on. I left school and worked all my life. Got married. Had three children, got divorced. Single parent to three children. Now entering retirement, my kids are grown and self-sufficient, and I now have to discover who I am when I'm not a worker or a mother."
21. "That how you feel physically when you're young will not stay the same no matter how much you think you can will yourself to be different."
"I saw this with so many of my family. When you're 40 you think oh, I could work until I'm 70, no problem! But no matter how much you watch what you eat or work out, your body will decline anyway. Knees give out, your muscles naturally decline with loss of hormones, your mobility decreases, and your energy just declines. I remember my parents saying how they'd never need a rest home, like somehow just making that declaration would deem it so. And also, medicine will not cure you. The past generations really believe that they can get cured by the right treatment or surgery. It can help, but the decline is inevitable."
22. "I finally got to the point where I like me."
23. "I can't decide whether this happens universally to everyone getting older, or if it's a shift specifically happening in the 21st century, but, zero family contact or get-togethers. It used to be every Sunday dinner at Mom's, then three big extended-family barbecues, and Thanksgiving. I feel lost now. PS: I have invited family to my place, my son and his wife, and the dog show a couple times a year, and that's it."
25. "Feeling very good, much better than I expected. 79 and still pain-free."
26. And finally: "That it actually happens! We actually do indeed get older!"
So, what do you think? If you have anything you'd like to share, feel free to do so in the comments — or, if you prefer, you're free to use the anonymous form below.
Please note: comments have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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