The Older I Get, the More I Believe These Things

Comparing yourself at 25 vs 35 is a really funny thing. You almost convince yourself if you work a little harder, plan a little better, or figure it all out a little more, life will feel settled. You almost think as you get older confidence just comes to you, relationships become easy, and you just finally feel like you know what you are doing.

It’s this rush to the middle. To get married, have kids, buy a house, hold a career…. and then what? Like what are we all rushing to the middle for?

At 35, I still am figuring out confidence, relationships, and if I’ll ever feel settled. But I do think I’ve changed my mind about a lot - marriage, motherhood, work, friendships, moving across the country, watching your priorities shift without even asking for permission. It’s pretty wild how much can happen in ten years.

These are a few things I believe now that I never would have written ten years ago.

If my husband reads this, he might laugh. But in all seriousness, some conversations aren’t really about changing someone’s mind, but more about understanding where they are coming from. I find myself leaning more into “put yourself in someone’s shoes,” and less “this convo won’t end until this person agrees with me.”

How is no one talking about how hard finding friends at 35 is? Especially if you have moved around a bit through the last few years. There was a time when I thought a full social calendar meant a full life. Now I think about a handful of people I can randomly text when I feel like I’m unravelling at the seams. Those are the friendships that matter.

If I could do it, I thought I should. Now at 35, saying no is one of the biggest signs of successes to me. Somewhere along the way I confused capability with obligation. Maybe it can come off as selfish or inflexible, but sometimes the most productive thing you can do is protect your time and energy instead of proving how much you can carry.

Working in aesthetics can play mind tricks on you. I think if I look around my field, I can easily recognize leaders that have lost themselves a little bit. I meet patients comparing to what they see on social media or reality tv. Even I need to check myself occasionally (especially during this third pregnancy) to not be so hard on my appearance.

The goal isn’t to erase every year from my face. It’s to feel healthy, and confident, and rested, when I look in the mirror.

When people ask me social media advice, I say - “Don’t worry about it, just post it. Stop overthinking it.” This can go for anyone. Posting the video, starting the project, asking the dumb question, starting something new…. like what are we worried about? Almost every opportunity I’ve had came because I was willing to risk looking a little awkward. Putting yourself out there opens doors.

This one is tough, but it’s true. Yes, should you be kind and professional and respectful? 100%. But if you don’t like me…. I’m really ok with that. Everyone is not everyone’s cup of tea. That’s okay.

My toxic trait is clinging to any and every small issue. I have this wonderful ability to maximize a small problem and make it everyone’s business - asking opinions, evaluating outcomes, and spotlighting the inconvenience, like it’s a true emergency. And then it comes, goes, and a year later, it’s 9 times out of 10 forgotten.

Maybe this comes with different priorities or responsibilities. Maybe this comes with maturity. Either way, I’ve learned that very few things are as urgent as they appear.

Ahhh… we are coming up on two years in our 80s home, that we are slowly updating and making our home. (*I should do a post on this.*) It was our first home purchase and it was a big deal. I’m proud to own a home, but man, does the kitchen need to be renovated.

At 25, I probably would have told you I would be in a big old new build at 35. Now, I think a beautiful home is one that’s lived in. A little character. Couch cushions a little crooked. Toys under the dining room table. A house where you look back at pictures and say, “remember that carpet??”

I have a feeling this list will look different again when I’m 45. And honestly, I hope it does. Because changing your mind isn’t a sign you were wrong. It’s simple evidence that you are out there living.