STUPID EXPRESSIONS

Have you ever heard or read something which is so downright stupid, it’s almost impossible to believe? I have.

Back when I was in college, the book Love Story, which was made into a popular movie of the same name, was a bestseller. I remember reading and enjoying it until I read a certain passage. The passage made absolutely no sense to me, and so I reread it several times. Perhaps I was missing something. The author Erich Segal had written, “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.” Really? That might be the dumbest thing I have ever read.

Think about it for a moment, which is what I tried to do. I wanted to give the author the benefit of the doubt, but no matter how hard I tried, it made no sense whatsoever. Any person who can’t say he is sorry is an egomaniac, a narcissist, and an extremely insecure individual.

Imagine a married couple. The wife confronts her husband after finding a lady’s undergarment, not her own, in the marital bed. When confronted, the husband says, “I love you so much I cannot say I am sorry.” My guess is quoting Love Story at that moment would probably not be well received.

Another example of a stupid expression is one we all learned as young children, “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never harm you.” Now I think I understand why parents repeat this expression to their children. They don’t want youngsters to be traumatized when somebody directs nasty words in their direction.

I certainly agree with the first part of the expression, namely that sticks and stones can break your bones. Actually, stones probably have a better chance of breaking your bones than sticks do, but that’s just my uneducated opinion.

To say words can never harm you is pure poppycock (this is a G rated column). Since I had polio back in 1950 and wore a brace for many years, I only recall one instance when somebody called me a “cripple.” I was around 12 and a fellow camper called me a “cripple” with the express intention of hurting me, and he certainly succeeded. I probably should regret what I did, but I don’t. I jumped on him and started to show him who was a cripple before the counselors pulled me off of him. I doubt he ever called somebody a “cripple” again.

To say words can’t hurt is not something we should be teaching our children. We should instead be teaching our children that words most definitely can hurt, and to cease and desist all verbal assaults.

My final example of an expression I can’t begin to fathom is, “If you fall off a horse, get right back on it.” Now this is a subject I know something about. I have fallen off horses in both North and South America, and I can tell you unequivocally that once I fall off a horse, the last thing I intend to do is to get back on the same horse. You have got to be kidding.

I do understand the psychology behind the expression. You are supposed to let the horse know who is the boss. Whenever I go riding, the horse takes one look at me and immediately knows who is the boss, and it is not me. For heaven’s sake, the horse towers over me. If it farts in my direction, it can knock me over. There is no way I am going to fake it and make the horse believe I am in command.

When I fall off a horse, here’s what I do. I limp to my car and get out of Dodge City.

THIS COLUMN WAS PUBLISHED IN THE MALIBU TIMES.