COYOTE DROPPINGS

Uninvited Guest

PREAMBLE: Malibu, California, where I have lived the past 14 years, is home to many coyotes, mountain lions, rattlesnakes, and celebrities.

I know I have to tread very carefully because there are a great many animal lovers who, in some instances, love animals even more than they do people.

I too am an animal lover. I have traveled many thousands of miles to see animals in their native habitat, and I have owned dogs for most of my life, but even I, a lover of animals, have my limits.

I do not like mosquitos because they carry diseases, and they like to bite me. They may be good for the environment, but I strongly prefer they travel to somebody else’s environment.

As for wasps who land on my dinner plate while I am still eating, I believe they should suffer some form of capital punishment. I am sorry, but that’s just the way I feel. They can stick to whatever they eat, but my food is not to be shared with them.

I am also not fond of scorpions who enter my home. I wrote about one whom I tried to pick up and return to his family in the great outdoors. This utter ingrate had the nerve to sting me and cause me great pain at which point I quickly dispensed of him.

This finally brings me to a particular coyote who hangs out in my neck of the woods. He roams around here without a worry in the world, and invariably likes to stop by to say “hello” to me every now and then. All this is fine, but when he comes to visit, for reasons I do not comprehend, he feels the necessity to leave a large gift to express his appreciation for my open door policy. Even though I live on an acre, he invariably leaves some of his droppings on my beautiful stone patio .

Imagine for a moment were a human being to enter my property unwanted and to leave his droppings on my stone patio. I would be entirely within my rights to call the Sheriff’s Office and have the culprit arrested. Were I to call the Sheriff’s Office to report that a coyote had done the same thing, they would tell me to get lost. There is no justice in the world!

This column appeared in The Malibu Times