This is a journal entry-style post. I decided to publish it this way because if I had spent too much time editing, I would’ve talked myself out of being vulnerable with the internet. I hope there’s a lesson in here for you somewhere. Enjoy!
Whenever I hear the word “realistic”, I feel uneasy. I’ve never understood what it truly means. In my last year of college, I had the dream of moving to Italy. I didn’t know how I would get there, but I knew I would stop at nothing until I was on a one-way flight. While my peers were finding jobs in the States, talking to their current bosses about how they could stay on full-time, and thinking about their future long-term, I was cooped up in the Boston Public Library applying to any jobs with the location set to Italy, thinking solely about this goal and not about what my life could like 5-10 years from then.
With a Roman mother, I was blessed with yearly trips to Italy as a child and into my young adult years. I was very familiar with the Italian way of life - long meals, family time, walks around cities submerged in art, post-lunch espresso standing at the bar, impeccable style, markets exploding with fresh produce, the glow of the Mediterranean sun, and the blue, blue, BLUE sky. There was nothing I wanted more. I wanted to stay in Italy longer than the usual vacation to visit family. I wanted to take part in the day-to-day of Italian life.
I had been living in Boston since I was 5 years old. Having gone to college here as well, I felt as if I never got a break. So when I approached my senior year, I felt trapped, and the urge to live somewhere else grew in an uncontrollable way. I could feel every inch of my body speaking to me- yelling - telling me to leave. No one understood me except my parents. As immigrants fulfilling their American Dream, they supported me, they didn’t question my longing to leave, and they were excited to see where my dream would take me.
I remember one night at my house when my parents invited their friends over for dinner, and the topic of my future plans came up. As all seniors in college know, all you get asked at this time of your life is, “What do you plan on doing after you graduate”? I didn’t hold back and replied: “I’m going to move to Italy”. My parents’ friends said I was making a mistake, that the job market in Italy was horrible, and that even if I found something, I wouldn’t make enough money. I was offended. Why would an adult tell a young dreamer not to go after what they most desire? I understand giving advice, but what was I really risking? I wasn’t thinking about money, I wasn’t thinking about a long-term career, I was thinking about going on an adventure that would enrich my life and see where it would take me. I believed that at that age, with money saved up from working during college, there was no risk in trying something new.
Why didn’t they understand? Why didn’t they support me?
I was pulling from all resources, looking for guidance or suggestions on how to approach this idea of mine. I booked an appointment with my career advisor at my university, hoping for answers on how to find a job abroad. Instead, she questioned why I wouldn’t stay in the U.S and climb the corporate ladder with the company I was working for at the time. I remember her saying, “Why would you leave this good job you already have when you could stay and work your way up to the top”?
Because that’s what I wanted to do. Because climbing the corporate ladder is always an option, but being 22 with no responsibilities other than food and lodging for myself was never going to happen again. Because this was my dream.
Most would’ve left that meeting defeated, but I left with a new motivation to prove her wrong. I thought, how could an adult in an influential position such as hers tell me NOT to go after what I wanted? Isn’t that something you should strive for in life? To go after what you want? To try and try until either it works or it doesn't? It’s better to do something and regret it than not to do something and regret not doing it.
IF NOT NOW, WHEN?
A month after graduating, I found an internship in Milan. In the end, not being ‘realistic’ worked in my favor. I bought my one-way ticket to Italy and embarked on the most life-changing, intense, hard, spectacular year of my life. If you want to know more about this incredible chapter, I wrote about it here.
Of course, when planning things, I have to be a little bit logical in my thinking, but most of the time, I am in my own world. I romanticize even the most mundane things, and it makes living life a lot more fun.
When people ask me, “But is that realistic?” my answer is, “What sets the terms for what is ‘realistic’ or not”? You get to decide.
If you don’t dream big, what you truly want can’t become your reality, so don’t stop, and don’t let someone else’s reality define yours.
Have you ever done something most people in your life were telling you not to? What did you learn from that experience? What does dreaming look like for you?
Grazie mille and wishing you the best food adventures.
until the next meal,
Nadà
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