The Wrath of a Father

Ought men have the same temperament in disciplining children as the mother?

Many women get upset when the father has a male temperament in his discipline. Not an unreasonable temperament, mind you. A male one. Which is to say, not a female one.

When the father is not around, a mother can only discipline with a female temperament. But when the father is around and notices his wife disciplining the kid(s), he would never say, “You’re being a jerk.” At least a healthy father who understands created sex distinctions. He would look at her and say, “You’re being a good mom.”

But many Christian mothers these days seem to think it’s okay to “check the dad” by calling him a “jerk” when he is acting within his God-ordained and divinely created bounds. They think this is being a helpmeet. That’s interesting to me because the mother, in essence, wants the father to act more like her; that is to say, female. They also seem to think calling their husband a “jerk” is okay, which it definitely isn’t, unless, as one pastor told me, “Any wife who calls her husband a jerk regardless of the situation is defying God. That is a major sin and defiance of God’s authority and the authority He has placed in place. There’s one exception. When divorce has happened and the dad is in defiance against God and the mother of his children. He is a jerk.” A “jerk,” in that context, is putting it lightly. But taking that position is considered problematic patriarchal behavior, not biblical.

And then there’s a father’s retribution for disrespecting the mother and/or the home, which is a further issue outside of a child’s disobedience. And then the mother “wants” the dad to discipline, but then doesn’t understand how severe that discipline must be. Again, it goes back to the Husband/Father as a picture of Christ in the home. Disrespecting your Bride and her children is no bueno. Similarly, disrespecting the Church is way out of line and ought to be addressed as such. Would we call Jesus a jerk and tell Him to hold back on such a grievance? We already do when we conveniently leave out that He didn’t just toss temple tables, but also fashioned whips to drive out the moneychangers. His wrath wasn’t reserved for inanimate objects. Elsewhere, we need look no further than what happened to nations and people who have come against Israel or the Church in ages past, both in the biblical narrative and in extrabiblical historical context. God does not abide those who harm His bride and children. Neither should a father.

Short of sin, a healthy, godly father is within bounds to enact discipline and punishment as he was created to do. Simply put, a father is biblically commanded and allowed to display his wrath. That wrath might seem abrupt and violent, whether in word or deed, to onlookers, but it is a picture of love nonetheless. But that behavior is not okay in today’s society, however. And, frankly, would have CPS called on many a godly man if carried out to its biblical degree.

Even mothers who know and study the Word think fathers ought to discipline in a maternal way more than a paternal one. They’d rather the father be more sensitive to the child’s feelings than to the sinful behavior being addressed. That is antithetical to the father being a picture of Christ in the home. If the father is acting within the godly, biblical framework, the mother ought to keep her mouth shut. Her qualm is with God, not her husband.

Think about this way: if a mother is uncomfortable with the father’s discipline of their children, how much more uncomfortable will she be when the child’s behavior is left improperly checked, and it ends with that child in a car wrapped around a tree? Or on trial for first degree murder?

But if a mother steps between a child and a godly father’s wrath, she is out of line, no matter how much of that “mama bear” she wants to let out. Again, the issue she has is with God, not with the father, if the father is acting in line with God-given and biblical guardrails. If she refuses to acknowledge that, she is in sin and needs direct rebuke and discipline from her husband.

Saying all of this will ruffle the feathers of even the most biblically versed mothers. And fathers. Let me take it a little further then, so you’re having an informed ruffle.

The wrath of God is one of His most mentioned attributes. One of the things Jesus talks about the most is wrath and judgment, mainly regarding hell. In God the Father’s case, His wrath is recorded more often on those He loves than otherwise. That’s almost the entirety of the Old Testament narrative. Israel sins, God disciplines, et cetera. But nowhere - and I mean nowhere - is God’s wrath separate from His love. God is love, just, gracious, merciful, holy, righteous, patient, wrathful, jealous, meek, and so on and so forth all at once. And therein lies the actual burden of a godly father’s wrath.

When we see the wrath of a godly father, we must necessarily see it coupled with grace, mercy, justice, patience, meekness, love, et cetera. If it is not, it is not godly. It is acting in the flesh toward another, making the action sin, no matter the action that led up to it. And if a father directs that sinful wrath toward his wife or child, hold onto your butts. A father’s wrath is meant to be a picture of God’s wrath. Any more or any less than that is a desecration of God-given authority, and God’s wrath itself will make an appearance.

What should a godly father’s wrath look like then? It depends. Scorched earth and a crushing flood weren’t set upon those who followed God. But a good old-fashioned spanking from a nearby people group is what the book of Judges is about. Additionally, Proverbs‬ ‭13‬:‭24‬(NASB1995) says,‬‬ “He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” All in all, a father should dole out his wrath in alignment with scripture. And scripture has no prohibition against striking a child. It does have a prohibition against abuse, and a severe word for it, too. A strong, direct tone is enough sometimes, and other times letting that blasphemous pre-teen pick out his own switch is good too.

I’ll leave you with scripture, God’s final word on the matter:

“Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭19‬:‭18‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

“Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭23‬:‭13‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6‬:‭4‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”

‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭21‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬