They say in Los Angeles, there are certain rites of passage. You find a great taco truck, you survive a brush with a natural disaster, and eventually, you get an Andy Dick story. In fact, there’s even a documentary called Everybody Has an Andy Dick Story, which tells you something about the ubiquity of these encounters. Mine happened in early 2007, during a very particular period of my musical life.
The Sci-Fi Pizza Residency
I was playing with two incredibly talented, incredibly adventurous musicians: drummer Gerry Gibbs and pianist/keyboardist Andy Langham. Our band was called SLanG—my clever abbreviation for Swartz, Langham, and Gibbs. We were trying to achieve an up-to-date, street-wise music vernacular through spontaneous conversation.
We had a residency at a pizza joint on Fairfax Avenue, directly across from the legendary Canter’s Deli. It was called Nova Express Cafe, and it had this wonderfully eclectic atmosphere. They’d constantly show old sci-fi movies on the wall; it was decorated as if Mystery Science Theater 3000 had an apartment.
Bitches Brew on Fairfax
This wasn’t your typical background jazz gig. We’d managed to strike a deal with the owner that gave us complete carte blanche. Our only directive was to play. And what we played was... loud and weird. Our flyer even described us as an “adventurous, experimental, electronic, groove-based experience!”
I was on trumpet, running it through a clip-on microphone and a whole chain of guitar effects. I also had my EVI (Electronic Valve Instrument).
Yes, that’s right…no bass player. Sometimes Andy would play bass on the keyboard (okay, most of the time) and sometimes I’d play bass on the EVI.
We would play from 10 PM until 2 AM. This wasn’t a standard set-list gig; we’d play starting at 10 PM straight through without stopping for about an hour at a time, take a short break, and then do it again until 2 AM. Every single note was fully improvised. Playing this kind of music is extremely exhausting, because you’re pouring every ounce of creativity and physical energy you possess into it.
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The 2:15 AM Tizzy
By 2:15 AM, the room was silent. We were utterly spent. We were already in the process of tearing down all of our gear—amplifiers, keyboards, drums, wires, and cables running all over the place. We were coiling the cables and piling it all onto carts to take out to our cars.
The front door swings open, and in walks Andy Dick, with a couple of friends trailing behind him. He immediately scans the room, spots our silent band setup, and without missing a beat, he shouts:
“All right! Let’s hear it! I want to hear some music!”
I don’t remember which of us responded, but someone from the band, probably Gerry, politely said, “No, sorry, we’re done for the night.”
Andy Dick was having none of it. He puffed himself up and retorted, “No, you’re not! You’re going to play now for me! You played for everybody else, but now I’m here!”
I turned to him, still holding a cable, and said very firmly, “No, we’re done. Sorry. We just can’t play anymore. We’re completely finished.”
He just looked at us, scoffed, and with this incredibly dismissive flick of his hand, he declared:
“Lame!”
He then stomped off towards the counter, presumably to order some pizza, but they were done making that for the night too. He was clearly completely disappointed with this place he’d wandered into—no pizza, no music, and no audience. As he marched back out the door in a tizzy with his friends trailing behind him, he threw one more flick of the hand over his shoulder:
“Lame!”
So, yeah. I’m sure I’m not alone, but Andy Dick thinks I’m lame. Twice.
Hear the “Lame” Music for Yourself
I dug through my archives and found a raw MiniDisc recording from April 20, 2007, titled “It’s Mr. Swartz.” This is an actual capture from Nova Express during that era. You can hear the three of us burning through a high-speed improvised section—I’m playing a constant stream of fast lines on the trumpet while Andy and Gerry keep the engine roaring.
This is exactly what Andy Dick was missing out on by showing up late. LAME!
Paid subscribers can hear the full 3:20 burn of SLanG live on Fairfax. This is exactly what Andy Dick was missing out on by showing up late. LAME!
🎺 Upcoming Gig: The Brian Swartz Quintet 3/11/26
If you enjoyed that 2007 “SLanG” energy, come hear what I’m up to lately with my Quintet. We’ll be at Sam First next month—just make sure you get there before the sets end so you don’t miss the music like Andy did!
When: Wednesday, March 11, 2026
Sets at: 7:30 PM & 9:30 PM
Where: 6171 W Century Blvd #180, Los Angeles, CA 90045
Tickets & Livestream: You can grab your seats Right Here.
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