Differentiating Emotional and Physical Maturity

I worked the University of Arizona girls’ basketball camp years ago, and randomly the best player in the division (U15) was placed on my team. She was 13 or 14 years old, but she was tall, skilled and athletic; she could have passed for 16 or 17 and played in the varsity division.

The university players refereed our games. Nobody expected good referees. They were there to keep the game safe. It was camp. Nobody really cared about winning. We were there to provide a good experience, motivate the players, and hopefully the players would leave with something new to practice and improve their games.

The referees refused to call a foul in the best player’s favor in one game. The other team fouled her repeatedly because they had no way to defend her, but there was never a whistle in her favor. I could see her frustration bubbling despite not knowing her well.

I asked the referees at halftime to give her a call and suggested something might happen if she never gets a call. I even offered the idea of a bad call against my team to even out the calls if needed just to calm down this player’s frustration. They scoffed at my request. They were college players; I was just a youth AAU coach. They knew better.

They doubled down and treated the player even more unfairly. She eventually asked to come out and walked off the court, crying. The referees denigrated her and said she was not tough enough. She would never make it. They left after the game, critical of the player, as I dealt with her displeasure.

The college players viewed her like a near-college player because of her skill and size, but she was 13 or 14. She may have matured quickly physically, but internal systems develop asynchronously. A teenager may mature quickly and look like a high-school senior or even a college student, while her emotional maturity remains that of a middle-school student, appropriate for her chronological age and her peer group, but trailing far behind her physical maturity or biological age. She may have looked and played like a 17-year-old, but she was not emotionally and psychologically a 17-year-old. She was not prepared emotionally or mentally to handle the constant fouls with no whistles.

Should teenagers handle this situation better and not break down and cry or retaliate with a punch? Sure. I would have coached and prepared her differently had I known her longer than a day or two.

The college players were right. She would need to be tougher to play in college. They possessed those skills, as they were older and more mature, and professional athletes (NCAA Division I high-majors) possess greater self-awareness, emotional management skills, and stress tolerance than the general population (Birwatkar, 2014; Perlini & Halverson, 2006). A college player understands how to manage perceived unfairness, such as biased referees or a hostile crowd. That is part of their development into being professional athletes.

She, however, was not a college or professional athlete, and they would not have known if that was even a goal of hers. She needed more support because she was not emotionally ready for the favoritism. She was punished for being too good, which some see as an honor, but younger children tend to see only as unfair.

The example is not to debate any mistakes or actions that should have occurred, but to illustrate the differences between physical and emotional maturity. Too often, we conflate the two and assume a high-level performer must also possess high-level emotional maturity and psychological skills. We forget a 13 year-old with abnormal height and skill may still just be a 13-year-old. Emotional, physical, and psychological development occur asynchronously, and we need to factor each into our decisions about players.

Parenting Youth Sports

I once directed a camp and encouraged the local coach to encourage a 7th grader to come to the varsity sessions because I felt he was so much better than his peers. I was there for skill development, and he appeared to have the most potential. He was the type of player I was there to coach. The local coach invited him to the varsity sessions, but he declined. He wanted to play with his friends.

These players frustrate coaches and parents. We see potential. We want to push the player and challenge his skills. We see playing with friends who lack the same size and skill as a waste of time, and we know time is precious. If you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse. While you’re sleeping (or playing with friends), someone else is practicing, and when you meet, he’ll beat you. We have cliché after cliché about the need to grind, work harder, play against better players, and more.

We forget a 13 year-old may just want to spend his summer with his friends, not trying to become a basketball player. Just because he is above-average in height and skill does not mean he loves the game. College coaches often are flummoxed because they coach players who are pretty good, but seem not to love the game as much as the coach. Being 6’6 does not create a special bond with basketball, but it provides a huge competitive advantage. Players can be pretty good and not love the game when they have certain genetic advantages, most noticeably height. Coaches choose to stay in the sport; many players, especially the tall or naturally gifted, may never actually make the conscious choice; they play, and are good enough, and they just continue until their talent runs out or is insufficient to reach the next level.

I coached a 6’6 girl who signed with an ACC program, and everyone knew it would end poorly. Nobody was convinced she liked basketball. She was tall, and basketball attracts height. Her team was one place where she was viewed as normal or even special, as opposed to ostracized, especially at 17 years old. She liked to be around her friends and just wanted to fit in. She had no special interest in basketball other than it fulfilled those two needs. It gave her some normalcy and belonging. If the debate team was filled with women with outlier height, she would have been on the debate team. Basketball attracts and normalizes the abnormally tall, not because they love to play, but because they belong. Obviously some grow to love it or are attracted to it because they love it, and they typically become the biggest successes.

There is nothing wrong with these people. A 13-year-old growing frustrated because she is being physically beaten up and referees are cheating against her is not abnormal behavior. A 13-year old preferring to play with his friends is not abnormal. A tall woman seeking to be with other tall women to stand out less is not abnormal. They do not need to be fixed or improved. They should not be criticized. Just because we as coaches are obsessed with basketball does not mean everyone must be.

I have coached plenty of players who practice hard, play hard, and compete, but as soon as practices or games end, they move on to the next thing. These are normal behaviors; they likely lack the love for the game necessary to become great without some genetic advantages (height), but they do not need to be criticized or mocked. Everyone does not need to invest everything into basketball. Enjoying the practice or game in the moment, then moving to the next part of their days, is actually the normal behavior. Those of us who obsess over a game and stay up all night ruminating because of a performance are the abnormal ones.

I compromised with the boy. He attended both sessions. He played during the day with his friends and returned at night to play with the varsity. He held his own. He developed some more confidence playing with the older boys. He had fun and enjoyed himself with his friends during the day. We found a win-win situation by listening to his needs and wants rather than dismissing him because he initially turned down the opportunity.

At some point, he would have to make a decision if basketball was important to him. Players who go on and play college basketball are different than their peers. The difference may be as simple as outlier height, as with the 6’6 woman, but most players must decide to behave differently and take ownership of their own development. They have to be the one to choose to challenge themselves against better competition or to engage in the extra training rather than waiting to be asked or avoiding the challenges.

Individual Skill Development

These decisions do not have to be made by a certain age. He would not have fallen behind if he did not play with the varsity that summer. Everyone develops at different rates, and everyone’s characteristics develop at different stages. A physically precocious player is not necessarily emotionally mature. We must be more cognizant of the different needs of players, and not assume the physical or the basketball is most important or indicative of all the players’ qualities. If we want to preach about holistic development, we must understand the whole player, and differentiate emotional maturity and physical maturity, among other qualities and characteristics.

Talent development is a marathon. We need to avoid dismissing players just because they are not ready at a certain point in time. Everyone runs his or her own race. Some may need a small push or some education and motivation of the necessary approach to reach higher levels, which was the purpose behind 20 Hacks for the 24-Hour Athlete, but just because one is not ready today does not mean the race is over; the player may just be reaching the starting line. We need to afford more opportunities for these individual decisions and progressions rather than attempting to rush everyone into a sprint to the finishing line.

References

Birwatkar, V.P. (2014). Emotional intelligence: The invisible phenomenon in sports. European Journal of Sports and Exercise Science, 3(3), 19-31.

Perlini, A.H. & Halverson, T.R. (2006). Emotional intelligence in the National Hockey League. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, 38(2), 109-19.