Why "Auction dads" Are The Hottest Dads

This week you were supposed to get a post from Brian - something about dudes + friends + masculinity + small talk, but I’m taking over to give him a much deserved break and shout out. He’s busy showing up for our school, emcee’ing and producing our public school’s auction this weekend. And he’s not alone. There are so many dads involved in our school it’s actually wild.

So I figured it’s worth exploring why ‘men helping the school’ is even worth talking about.

You see, men are getting a bad wrap right now, what with the patriarchy, oppression, Manosphere, drugging wives, ETCERA. It seems like universally it’s not their moment right now. And while I’m certainly educated on the topic, the general blanketing of all men together as the singular “enemy oppressor” really bums me out and makes me really defensive.

To be fair, my personal experience with men has generally been pretty good (barring a situation with a professor in college I’ll write about later). I’m extremely lucky/privileged in that realm. I haven’t had to date in 2 decades. I work in a 99% female field so I’ve never felt work place oppression, been overlooked, mansplained, underpaid, talked over, left out, etc. My parents had typically gendered roles, sure, but as far as I can tell there was 100% equanimity in the household and my mom was worshipped as she bounced in and out of teaching and raising 6 kids. Theirs were chosen roles, not relegated.

I know intellectually that I live in a world that inherently and systematically oppresses women, but I personally have been able to avoid feeling it (or maybe I live in a level of denial that is worth studying?).

And while I’m the sole financial supporter right now, Brian supports me and the kids so that I can support me and the kids. It wasn’t what we planned in our 20’s, but it feels fair and works for us (most of the time, ha). He pulls his weight around the house and takes on much more than his share of the kids stuff, like sports, extracurricular, medical, etc, and the kids see this daily (but don’t even notice, because its the norm to them). I’m so proud to be in this marriage (despite its normal challenges).

When we moved home to Portland in 2021 we joined the local neighborhood school knowing no one, but Brian made us friends quickly, super enthusiastic about being a part of a small community and a local school (I was a bit depressed at the time so he took the social lead). We asked about a school auction, but after Covid all the former auction chairs had aged out so there was almost no one left to teach us how it works, let alone produce it. And yes our public school needed funding (desperately) and also our community needed the school spirit (we had been remote for too long!).

So Brian and a few fun dads (and a few incredible moms, myself included) embarked on learning how to throw a school auction - the sales, marketing, gathering of auction items, inventorying everything, building the website, booking location, production, MC, food, drink, games, tech, theme, decorations, etc. We had multiple auction brainstorming meetings or pre-fundraiser “wine drop off parties” in the backyard that ended up being big and late, with kids running around til 10:30 playing. It was incredibly community-building. We felt and still feel so lucky to live here.