where I've been

I’ve been gone a while. Long enough that some of you probably assumed I’d quietly let this go.

I didn’t. I just needed to pause.

The honest version: I was running on fumes. I'm a solo entrepreneur, and my whole business is built on holding space for other people and I'd finally hit empty. And then, right in the middle of all of it, perimenopause walked in and rearranged the furniture. Hello, 45. My energy dropped so much it got hard to work.

So much change, all at once. And here I was — the breathwork facilitator, the one who teaches people how to regulate their nervous systems — completely dysregulated in my own. No matter what I did, my own tools weren’t working. It’s been a frustrating time.

So I stopped doing all the extra things. And I actually put my health first. Saying no. Resting. Letting things be unfinished without judging myself. Treating my own wellbeing like it was allowed to matter as much as the work.

And the biggest shift this year? I’ve been having fun. Actually making it a priority. One thing that’s brought me a lot of joy lately: I’m learning to ride a horse, a goal I’ve had for twenty years.

I’m still in it. Perimenopause isn’t a phase you “handle” and move past. It’s a whole re-negotiation with your body, and I have a lot more to say about that in the months ahead. (BTW, I started HRT two months ago and it’s helped a lot — though I’m still not fully feeling like myself thanks to the extra 15 pounds I’m carrying.)

So that’s where I’ve been. And the reason I’m back is that I’ve missed connecting with you here. I’ve written so many letters to you in my head during this time away and now I’m finally creating the time to write them out. :)

One of them is about where I am right now: Mexico, visiting my family. It’s a short trip, but it’s been more healing than I expected and that’s the next thing I want to tell you about.

xo Ana

P.S. How have you been? What’s changed? What’s stayed the same? Where do you feel called to go next?