changing tides, trusting the swell

An ode to the tides, feeling the swell change, and going with it. I’m reminded of letting a rip tide take you out to sea - if you want to get out, you just have to let it happen.

In Paris, I reflected on a time when I was really sure of who I was. As the attributes I prided myself on slowly started to crack, I tried to patch them up. Patch one spot, another cracks. I was fighting the rip, I didn’t know that to crack is to crack open. Pressure required.

When something is crumbling against my control, I have to let it. I cannot fight the swell. Nature isn’t personal. Fists clenched, white knuckled, it’s a no for me.

I had the blessing of experiencing Heimir Freyr’s exhibit, We are Earth - We are Water, at the Maritime Museum in Iceland. Freyr beautifully portrays that we are a part of, not apart from nature. Birta Guðjónsdóttir shares:

Nature's transformative process is one of our greatest teachers in life. It has an eternal appeal and reminds us of infinite possibilities and at once of the unpredictability of life. Transformations are part of a normal growth process and life chain, but in recent times different kinds of transformations are taking place in nature due to global warming. These changes have become very real in our time; we not only know about them, but we feel them. We see differences in the volume of glaciers, we feel unusual climatic changes and we see the ecosystem changing. Many of us feel powerless at the thought of how we can prevent further global warming, and what we can do.

To be human is to be a soul that moves around in an organic capsule composed of exactly the same materials as found in nature. Our bodies are made of oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen, carbon, calcium and phosphorus, the same building blocks as in nature all around us.

By observing the visuality of nature, we are more apt to connect with the aesthetic and sacred enlightenment of dwelling in it and experiencing becoming one with it. We connect more closely with nature and our role in preserving and nurturing it when identifying with its transformations through the constant transformative processes that our own human life entails. We feel that we are Earth, we are Water.

Now, when something starts to crumble, I let nature do the work. Erosion, eruption, a new waterway. Things unearthed, uncovered, always right on time. How would you feel if you trusted everything was already taken care of?

Now, I believe I’m changing all the time, and when the moon is full - the tide is the highest + the lowest - it’s a trust game. It’s less about being sure of who I am, but rather trusting the transformation. That’s commitment to self, unshakable trust. That’s bowing down to great nature.

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I softened. I had to, I ran out of gas. We learn the lesson until the lesson is learned. I exited the mind (over and over). Anxiety wants us to stay in the mind and be vigilant. The heart and body want us to be in the body - stick with it. When we’re not in the body, we’re in the mind - it’s that simple. Drop in, drop down, room one. The head will work to keep you up there. Use mindfulness to exit the mind - walk, move, journal, talk, breathe. Until light enters the cracks.  

I’m not in a rush. I’m right on time. Everything is already taken care of. There is no emergency. Take your foot off the gas. 

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Didion refers to an ordinary instant often throughout her novel - how anything can happen in an ordinary instant. I keep thinking about this - how little we have control over. My friend has a hand-written poster on their wall that says SOFT & STRONG - referencing water. I often compare my experience to the ocean - live wire on the surface, steady beneath.

Didion alludes to trusting the swell, something John told her she had to do, especially when it’s scary. She lost him to a heart attack, while their daughter was in the ICU. Now he’s gone, and she has to live the lesson he taught her in the Portuguese Bend. Not to be fearless, but because the alternative is destruction.

Not because we have to be fearless, but because resistance brings more pain.

❤️‍🔥

I drove to the airport in Iceland, passed literal lava from an eruption on my left. Got out of the car to watch, almost got swept away by the wind. Boy, it is NOT personal. We have to go with it.

Maybe it’s not about getting through it, it’s about being with it. The movement comes naturally - go with the change, because where there’s a current there’s life.

Thanks for reading :)

Love Liv