April 16, 2026

Well, hello there.

My link of the week

I’ve enjoyed Kate McKean’s Agents & Books newsletter for many years. It’s most helpful for those who are, or who are thinking about, writing books, and then have to think about pitching literary agents.

I’ve met a few agents over the years. They seem like lovely people. And I’m currently pitching some agents for my latest nonfiction proposal. The process of pitching them is brutal. And I’ve spent over a decade pitching stories to editors at magazines; this is a different, more difficult kind of pitch. This week’s newsletter on what to do if you’re scared to write and pitch those same agents is especially great.

When I think about the mistakes I’ve made in my creative life, I think most of them revolve around how I try to present my work. This is especially true of agents. I’ve spent more time than I wish to admit on:

1) not pitching agents because I was too precious with my novel manuscript or nonfiction proposal and didn’t want to deal with a rejection, or weeks of radio silence that turns into never hearing from them again (the classic “I’m taking the world’s silence personally”; I also learned too late in life that meditation is good for becoming more at peace with this silence)

2) thinking of and outlining fiction and nonfiction ideas that I think agents would want to see, instead of staying true to the writing that makes me genuinely excited to write in the first place

For the latter, ironically, it’s exactly that genuine energy that agents can, and want to, feel on the page. I’ve learned that the best agents are the ones who can best advocate for you, instead of the ones who will try to mold you into something you’re not.

The mistake I made was believing that I was always above the feeling of just wanting to publish a book. I fell into the trap of trying to mold myself into something I was not. Instead, I wish I had spent that time investing in something I would feel so confident in that I wanted to share it with others.

Easier said than done, obviously. Still gotta do it.

Kate’s newsletter is so good that I'm pasting most of it below. I’ve bolded my favorite sentences.

“Because writing is scary. It’s you, in part, on the page, vulnerable and exposed. When you share it with others, you are asking them do you like it? do you like me? Many of us cannot separate ourselves from our writing, our value, our worth, without lots and lots and lots of practice. (Congratulations to those of you who are rushing to the comments to say NOT ME! I have a healthy relationship with my writing and self-worth!!! You get a gold star for today.) I can honestly say, after decades of writing, that I have more objective distance between what I write and my self-worth now but I sure as hell did not in my twenties. I do not believe I AM my writing. When it is bad, I am still good. But it still stings to be rejected, and likely will forever.

Being afraid to write, whether that’s because you can’t stomach being vulnerable, are afraid of rejection, are adverse to attention, or fear repercussions of what you might write, just plain sucks. It gives others control of your life, your creativity, sometimes your livelihood. It can make you cower. It creates conflict between what you want to do and what you feel like you’re allowed to do. Sometimes it’s hard to write because we feel like we can’t take that time away from our other obligations in life–family, job, caretaking, etc. All of this sucks and isn’t fair and I hate it. But I’ve let that fear control my own writing and now, with the benefit of time, I can see how bullshit it was to do so. Not writing didn’t protect me. It erased me.

I can’t go back to 23 and stay that extra semester in my masters program and make past-Kate sit down and write with all her copious (job- and family- and responsibility-free) time. (Godddddd she had so much free time!!!!!) I can’t sit here and regret all the time I wasted, because I didn’t waste it, I just chose to use it differently, and that’s what got me here, to this wonderful career, and writing this newsletter, and even my first book deal. But I can look at that fear objectively, and say oh, past-Kate, I see you now. Yeah, that was stressful. You did the best you could. And I can take that empathy and compassion for myself and go write whatever the heck I want! Who cares?! No one has me under a microscope. People are concerned with their own lives, not mine. Whatever I write next might not get published, which is true for everyone all the time no matter what, so I might as well have fun with whatever I chose to do next! What’s the worst that could happen?

The worst that could happen is that I never sell another book of my own writing and like I said, that’s true for everyone all the time no matter what. I don’t want that to happen, but I really only have so much control over it. Yes, even me, an agent with all this experience, with an agent of her own. I cannot force anyone to give me a book deal, for me or my clients. No one is giving me one because I’m nice and I’m their friend and they want to do me a solid. Book deals are business transactions, not some backstage pass for groupies. I could let fear continue to control my creative life, but uh, that didn’t work so great for past-Kate, who spent the years 2003-2011 not writing much of anything. I regret that. I wish I had been brave enough to try writing more, without worrying who will like this? will I sell it? will it be a novel one day? I could have just had fun all those years. Writing isn’t always fun, but it can be somewhat fun, and that’s better than nothing.

Someone will reject your work. Someone will not like it and write a bad review online. Someone will decline to be your agent. Someone will look at you askance and think who does she think she is? Someone will begrudge you your success. You cannot control other people. No one is waiting for your novel. No one is tapping their foot thinking hurry up already! unless you are George R.R. Martin. These things other people might think of your writing life and they are none of your business. If you spend all your time worrying what other people will think, well, then you will spend all your time doing that, and not writing. We are not invulnerable. If you cut us, we will bleed. But the wounds are rarely mortal.

Please go and write whatever the hell you want. It might not get published. That’s ok. An agent or editor or your best friend might not like it and that’s ok, too. They don’t have to like it. Only you do. Your self-worth does not rest on becoming a published author, though that might be one of your life’s goals. It is so much better to write the book you want to read than to write the book you think some agent or editor wants to read. Don’t be afraid to write the next sentence. Or the one after that. Or the one after that. I know it’s easy to just say don’t be afraid. I can’t sprinkle fairy dust and take away that fear. But the act of writing, one sentence after does that. And it’s the only way.”

My song of the week

The Pillows - “Hybrid Rainbow” (2000)

With love and all the good things,

-b