Writer Dads on Making Art in the Chaos

Every year around Father’s Day, I usually write some kind of post reflecting on where I’m at as a dad: what I’ve learned, what I’m still struggling with, what the kids have taught me, etc. But this year, with my kids at three and five (insane ages), and me trying to write a second novel while holding down my job, and maintaining this house I live in that seems to create new problems for me while I sleep, I felt less interested in wisdom and more interested in company.

So instead of writing another Father’s Day essay, I decided to talk to a couple of other writer dads I know and admire and ask them: How the fuck are you doing this? How are you holding up?

Last night, I hosted a Substack Live with two writer dads I first met through Substack and whose work I love. Amran Gowani, author of Leverage and Alex Muka author of Hell or Hangover. In addition to both of them writing novels I fuck with, I also love the way that family life and fatherhood bleed into their work online. They’ve always struck me as stand-up guys trying to figure out the same impossible equation as me: How do you balance being both a modern, present dad and an ambitious writer without losing your mind in the process?

We talked about writing routines and bedtime routines. The fantasy of the male writer as some roaming Hemingway type versus our day-to-day lives doing school drop-offs and making breakfast nobody touches. We touched on how having kids changes your relationship to ambition, how they can make publishing feel a little less life-or-death, and what all of that means for the work.

I don’t think we solved anything, but for me at least it was nice to know that both of them are in the same boat as me: making it up as we go along.

Shoutout to the 50 of you who hung out with us live last night. I greatly appreciate it. I hope the rest of you—whether parents or not—get something out of this, too.

Peace,
Andrew