Tommy Tuberville Opposes Contraception and All Other Polysyllabic Words
“I see the word ‘contraception’ and that’s a quick ‘no’ for me,” he said. “Don’t know what that means. Won’t look it up.”
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Susan Collins Challenges Democratic Rival to Pearl-clutching Contest
“Looking worried is a full-time job, and an amateur like Troy Jackson simply isn’t up to it," she alleged.
RFK Jr. Spreads Conspiracy Theory That His Mind is Being Controlled by Total Idiot
"Somehow, some way, there’s a total numbskull making me say the things I say," he alleged.
In Major Breakthrough, Israel and Hamas Agree that Kushner is a Dick
“We don’t agree on much, but we see eye-to-eye on one thing,” the two groups said.
The Perfect Replacement for Karoline Leavitt
TBR Sunday Read
TBR's Week in Photos
A new feature from The Borowitz Report
Trump Regularly Hides in Catering Truck to Avoid JD Vance
When agents see Vance approaching the Oval Office they immediately activate a silent alarm and hustle Trump out the back door.
Other Places the Secret Service Can Hide Trump
With sketches by Ann Telnaes.
Putin and Netanyahu Formalize Joint Ownership of Trump
At a press conference in the Kremlin, Netanyahu characterized the arrangement as “basically a timeshare.”
Experts Say Pentagon Has Used Up Its Entire Stockpile of Mascara
Defense Department burned through ninety percent of its existing stockpiles of concealer, blush, and lip gloss in the first five days of the war with Iran.