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My mama died 11 years ago and every year since has been different. Somehow I imagined that after a decade passed, the wound of her death would be a well-healed scar in my heart. However, since getting engaged at the start of last year, new layers of heartbreak have been revealed.
My partner and I came home beaming from a beautiful trip to Bhutan at the start of the year with rings on our fingers and somehow the celebratory process of dreaming up a gorgeous ceremony with music, roses, honey, vows and dance has been filled with grief for me.
I want her to sew my dress from scratch like she would have if she were alive. I want her to sit next to me at our reception. I want to confide in her about rental costs, the choice between eggplant or kebab and ask for her advice with my bouquet colors.
The most beautiful thing in my life so far- so full of joy and pleasure, feels deeply connected to my deepest loss, ripe with heaviness. They coexist inside of me.
Even though I anticipated her absence would be louder during this time, the waves of grief that have come since planning this wedding have rocked me.
Like many people living with loss, grief can manifest as a deep depletion of energy, a heaviness that makes joy, movement, or desire feel distant or even forbidden.
For many of us, this grief is not only personal, but collective—we are grieving the state of the world, the ongoing devastation and suffering that touches our nervous systems even when loss is not our own.
Where do we find energy when grief weighs a million pounds? How do we source vitality without bypassing heartbreak or forcing positivity?
What I have discovered is the more I let in the joy when I feel it, the more space I have for the grief when it carves me out.
I’m planning to wear her earrings at the wedding, serve her a plate of food and dance as joyfully as I possibly can because I know that is what she wants for me.
She wants me to embrace every ounce of bliss that floats my way, even when I miss her most.
Life is full of paradoxes.
You are invited to gather with me to let in the joy that is already present in your life as a way to honor your loved ones who have died and the grief you carry.
This Sunday, I will share some of the most intimate stories and practices connected to my mama. We will explore grief not as something to overcome, but as a sacred landscape that can coexist with aliveness and how our vital life force can support us to show up to these times.
Drawing on embodied wisdom, nervous system awareness, and the subtle current of erotic energy, we gently inquire into how pleasure, sometimes in the smallest and most tender ways, can become a resource rather than a betrayal of grief.
This gathering is designed to be gentle, spacious, and invitational. Through guided embodied practices, meditation, and self-inquiry exercises, you’ll discover how the body can support energy, sensation, and love even in the midst of grief.
Pleasure as a Grief Resource: An Embodied Path into Aliveness
with Willow Brook
This Sunday, February 22, 11am-12:30pm Pacific.
Pay what you can sliding scale
https://www.wildheart.space/pleasuregriefresource
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