Ancestral Pilgrimage Part 8: Istanbul

In June of 2022, I embarked on an Ancestral Pilgrimage searching for my distant European roots. Below are my poetic reflections from the eighth part of my journey- an unplanned final stop to connect with my spiritual sufi lineage in Turkey.

I embarked on this journey looking for my blood’s roots

Searching for mysterious links to genetic belonging

Bodies that resemble me still married to land

Invisible connections were made

Watching the summer solstice sun rise

Digging in the dirt under Swedish standing stones

Tracing the labyrinth with my bare feet

Singing to open fields of poppies

But, did I find what I was looking for?

Maybe I don’t belong anywhere

But I will always belong in my heart

Where that love drunk Mevlana lives

Five days before my flight home

I hear my spirit lineage calling

Echoes from the first stop in London

where Allah found me in my first conversation

Rumi is buried in a country only 3.5 hours away

The fragrance of roses is wafting to my heart from here

Beckoning me to the spiritual pilgrimage of my life

Hajj for the sufi

If this were the last flight I ever made it would be worth it

I hop to Istanbul, bound for Konya

Arrive on a Thursday evening

Ready for dhikr

Through alleyways of honking cars

I arrive in my dream room

Deep red wallpaper, drapes and pillows

Can I stay forever?

My gurgling stomach sends me adventuring through streetlights

Past baklava and börek

Turkish lamps shining cobalt blue and blood red

Searching for the only vegetarian items on the menu

Grilled vegetables and dolma it is

Call to prayer resounds through the rushing fountains

I dash past ice cream and kebap shops

Searching for dervishes

Walking quickly away from the insistent Turkish men

asking for my IG on the street

I knock three times at the door

Ascending to the second floor to learn

I was too late for dhikr

But Nurdogan has stories for me

Rumi radiated from every corner

Past and Present

East and West

Mevlevi Ayinleri

Nay flutes crying to be played

Next to Elif Shafak’s The Bastard of Istanbul

Mevlana Sohbetleri

My love hunger is growing

I need to come here for months

I have work to do

I’m in love

Feels like home

Muezzin beckons me to prayer

The Hagia Sophia illuminated at night

Lailahe illallah

Shines between minarets

Beauty beyond my art history conceptions

I enter and weep

Kneeling on the bright green carpet above golden ceilings

My heart softens its aching

On a search for where this body belongs

How is it that I feel more at home here

Even though I stick out like a sore thumb?

A land of the soul

Calls me home

I settle and sit and remember why I’m here

For Rumi

For God

Not cruises, breakfast and site seeing like my hotel insists

I’m here for God

I sit in the shade outside the Hagia Sophia

Atmosphere radiating holiness

People walk slowly

with long dress

soft feet

tasbih in hand

Everything in me softens

People walk with majesty

Dignity in their posture

My breath deepens, again

Call to prayer

The smell of chestnuts roasting

Water dances in the fountain

Can I stay forever?

Sipping Turkish coffee

on ornate red velvet couches in the street

Eating every meal alone in silence

Drawing embroidered chairs helps make use

of the seemingly infinite dining time between teas

I gauge my belonging by how much people stare at me

It’s a lot here

But I still love it

It’s where I need to be

Small talk with strangers selling ice cream on the street

I’m grateful for my dad

Every time he made me talk to someone I didn’t know

Taught me not to fear strangers

My dad is so cool

I'm proud to come from him

My high school art history slides

Couldn’t have conveyed the magic of Istanbul

How much the people smile at me

Catching a glimpse of prayers in corners of the street on my walk to dinner

The taste of fresh pomegranate juice

Stray cats running through dark alleys

Ruby red tea in small glass cups

The majesty of hijabi women walking everywhere

The way the air melts my heart

Places speak