The Burned Haystack Dating Method was created by Dr. Jennie Young, professor of writing and rhetoric at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay. This series is not affiliated with or endorsed by Dr. Young or the Burned Haystack Dating Method. It is an independent application of her analytical approach to founder-investor dynamics, with full credit to her original work.
As we wrap up this somewhat random series, I’m starting to feel a bit like a matchmaker – cue the meme! (Unfortunately I couldn’t pick just one.)
Yes, I have a meme of a movie copying an even older play and some quality reality TV (bonus points to anyone who gets all three cultural references).… but you already knew I was a bit weird :D
OK, so to the final chapter in this series.
What’s the secret to finding your investor match?
Get off the apps!
I know – real plot twist given that this WHOLE series was based on the Burned Haystack Method specifically about dating apps. But honestly, the same reason the method was invented – which is that everyone is totally fed up with the apps – is also why people have started getting off the apps.
Here’s what is happening in the real world. A 2024 survey of 1,000 American dating app users found that 78% felt emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted by the apps at least sometimes.[2] And they’re getting off the apps. Tinder’s paying subscribers have been sliding for a few years and Bumble’s paying users dropped 16% year over year in the third quarter of last year.[3]
So what are people doing instead? Meeting in real life. Ladies wander Home Depot. People join kickball teams. Some grocery store in Finland recently started handing out pink shopping baskets so that singles can spot each other somewhere between the produce and the korvapuusti.[4]
Also, special shout-out to COCOstudio. Its been a fun collab creating the images for this series.
So the “get off the apps” advice is a bit tongue in cheek because its not the only part of this equation – its actually more of the traditional dating advice of finding someone you can be friends with first (which implies a first step of not trying to find friends on a dating app).
The real advice, and MANY of the investors I spoke with gave some version of this advice, is to get out and make friends. They never want your 30 second pitch (unless they asked you for it).
If you’re a startup founder and you do not fall into the following two buckets:
Went to Stanford, Harvard, or MIT
You were an investor first
Then you’ve probably noticed how most startup money goes to those two buckets I just mentioned and rarely to anyone else. It’s incredibly frustrating – I get it!
But why does it keep happening? It’s not really because they have a better idea than you do and its not because the system is rigged against you. Its because those guys in the other two buckets are already friends with their investors, or with their investor’s friends. People want to invest in things they can trust and the best way to establish trust is through your friend network. Its just basic human nature.
So how do you use this knowledge? You HAVE TO BUILD THE NETWORK. You have to spend months to years just showing up places to meet and hang out with the right people – without trying to sell them anything.
Bringing back the dating metaphor – big investments are like a marriage and you don’t just jump into a proposal. If you do, people think you’re crazy for good reason.
Investors are gunna freak out if you try to get them to put money into your idea when they barely know you. They want to meet someone who can just have cool conversations with them over a drink before putting a ring on it. So don’t be that founder who finds their target at the conference cocktail event, beelines over, wedges themselves into an existing convo, and then just starts telling them all about your company. So uncool, so not chill, so not the vibe we wanna go for here…
Think about what you’re actually asking for. Investment is a five (or often more) year commitment. You are asking someone to be tied to you through a regulatory delay, a failed pivot, a co-founder blowing up, and maybe a down round. That’s a marriage, not a fling.
Researchers at Emory looked at more than 3,000 married and formerly married Americans and found that couples who dated one to two years before getting engaged were about 20% less likely to divorce than those who got engaged inside a year. Couples who waited three or more years were 39% less likely.[5]
Time spent knowing each other before the commitment is not wasted time. It is the thing that makes the commitment survivable.
So get out there and make friends. See who you click with. Grow your connections. And then once you’ve met a few times, you can explain your concept to them.
And guess what? If they like you, they’re probably going to ask.
This series started with Dr. Young’s question. If you want to find the needle in the haystack, what do you do? You burn the haystack down.
If you have read all three parts of this series:
You now have the insights you need to be a needle in that haystack. You won’t be everyone’s needle. But if you are a needle, you will be someone’s needle.
Happy hunting!
And if it works out, I want an invitation to the wedding.
Blythe Karow is a strategic management consultant and founder of The Karow Advisory Group. The insights shared here reflect Blythe’s strategic expertise navigating the complex world of MedTech and wearables. Imagine what that same thinking could uncover when applied to your business.
How Blythe can help:
Commercialization & Market Readiness Reviews
Product & Business Strategy
U.S. Market Entry Planning & Education
Strategic Advisory for MedTech, Wearables, and HealthTech
[1] Young, Jennie. Burn the Haystack: Decode Dating, Torch the Duds, and Make Room for Men Who Matter. HarperCollins, April 2026. https://www.jennieyoung.com/burn-the-haystack-book
[2] Forbes Health/OnePoll survey of 1,000 U.S. dating app users, 2024. https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-app-fatigue/
[3] Dating app subscriber and revenue trends compiled from Match Group and Bumble Inc. reporting. https://www.swipestats.io/blog/dating-app-user-statistics
[4] “Finnish Supermarkets Have Pink Baskets For Singles Looking For Love,” Men’s Journal, August 2026. https://www.mensjournal.com/sex-relationships/finnish-supermarkets-have-pink-baskets-for-singles-looking-for-love
[5] Francis-Tan, Andrew, and Hugo M. Mialon. “’A Diamond Is Forever’ and Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship between Wedding Expenses and Marriage Duration.” Economic Inquiry 53 (2015): 1919-1930. https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2501480
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