The societal expectation to be everything all at once

I’m sure there are many mothers that are sitting at home quietly thinking:

”I don’t think I can do this. How am I expected to be a present mother, maintain a full time job, cook, clean, take care of all the ongoing daily tasks, support my husband and remember to take time to nurture my own needs?”

This societal expectation to hold the roles of both the masculine and feminine* (in excess) is driving many mothers over the edge and causing many of us to question “How long can I hold this all together?”

(*I believe that we can ultimately find a balance of both natures within ourselves as women, but not within the current confinements of modern society’s expectations)

It was never a conversation that emerged in my life prior to becoming a mother, so you can imagine the level of overwhelm I felt once I stepped through the door of transitioning from maiden to mother.

The only conversations that swirled around the spaces I engaged with was what would be the best career path to take and whether or not I should get my masters degree. I had (and still have) a drive for success and was willing to put in the long hours to reach greatness. What I didn’t understand was:

1. The journey of life is one of never fully arriving but rather many moments of stepping into new stories and experiences (once I achieved one goal, I would venture into new terrain - one thing that is guaranteed in this life is change).

2. All of my career aspirations would pale in comparison to my desire to be present for my children.

Here’s what we may be actually experiencing on a deeper level:

Sarah Durham Wilson writes:

”This is a society in which toxic patriarchal masculinity grooms us to stay terrified little girls who serve men and appease conflict and never build the confidence to listen to our inner wisdom.”

”There are women who stay in the underworld through no fault of their own: it is a byproduct of a male-dominated society. It goes like this: If women are not initiated into Mother through rites of passage, which are the tools of rebirth, they are unable to evolve.”

She continues

”In Mother, our hearts break with compassion for ourselves and the world. And when our heart breaks, it expands to hold all of life. We can now hold ourselves and the other. In Mother, we learn to live more deeply, sensually awakened, and connected to our bodies and the Earth.”

I sense that in the elevation from maiden to mother, we are being called to trust our inner wisdom and detach from the toxic patriarchal ways of living (ie being an excess of all things for everyone).

It is a modern day initiation.

To face the shadow of our society and say “I will no longer bend to your will. The will that calls for the destruction of the true femininity within me, that seeks to finally be illuminated and embraced.”

Like many traditional initiations, it’s not meant to be easy. We must tread across a threshold that may likely break parts of ourselves that we have identified with for most of our lives, but not all things can last the long journey ahead (and for good reason).

Reflection prompt:

What do you believe this initiation from maiden to mother is calling us to embrace or shed?

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