Why can't I get over the almost?

Friday, 3rd July 2026

11:37

I woke up in the Austrian Alps this morning on my birthday.

My first birthday message was from a random dude I matched with on Raya, followed by three more.

They announce your birthday on the app.

It doesn’t even feel like my birthday today. I honestly wouldn’t want to be anywhere else though. This really is the perfect birthday. Celebrating people I love. In a beautiful place. Zero pressure to perform or make plans or entertain.

I’m really enjoying myself. Yes, I’ve cried at random things. I cried as soon as I got to the hotel and saw The Groom. I couldn’t help it. It just made me so emotional. He’s my first friend to get married! And then I cried again today after breakfast.

But none of the tears have been about him, so there’s that. Well… not directly. I’m sure he’s subconsciously fuelling the tears.

There’s a couple here with a beautiful baby girl. So beautiful. She looks like what I imagined my own children would look like. You know… back then. With him. And I couldn’t help it. The tears came hard and fast, right there in the dining room.

The parents of this particular curly-haired, golden little girl probably thought I was absolutely bonkers, following her around the room with tears in my eyes.

But the idea had taken hold. “My child would’ve looked like her.” Creepy.

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