Independence Isn’t Doing Everything Alone

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Close-up of the word “independence” in bold within a dictionary entry, with surrounding text softly blurred.

As a person with a disability, I've come to believe that independence is one of the most misunderstood words in our vocabulary.

Somewhere along the way, society decided that being independent means never needing help.

If that's the definition, then none of us are independent.

We rely on grocery store employees to stock our shelves. We rely on mechanics to fix our cars, doctors to care for our health, teachers to educate our children, and countless people we'll never meet who keep our electricity on, our mail moving, and our internet working. Human beings have always depended on one another.

Yet when a person with a disability depends on another person, suddenly their independence is called into question.

I've never understood that.

The problem is that we've confused independence with autonomy.

Independence is often thought of as doing everything yourself. Autonomy is something much deeper. It's the ability to direct your own life—to make your own choices, define your own priorities, and determine your own future. And that doesn't disappear simply because someone uses support to carry out those choices.

Think about a person who is quadriplegic and lives independently in their own apartment. They may rely on a personal care attendant to help them get out of bed, shower, get dressed, prepare meals, or use the bathroom.

From the outside, someone might see dependence.

I see autonomy.

Why?

Because that individual decides who their attendant is. They decide what time they want to wake up. They decide what clothes they'll wear. They choose where they want to go, what they'll eat, who they'll spend time with, what career they'll pursue, and how they'll live their life.

The attendant isn't making those decisions.

They're simply the hands that carry out decisions the individual has already made.

That's what real independence looks like-not doing everything alone, but maintaining the freedom to steer your own life.

The same is true for me as a blind person.

I may rely on sighted guides to help me navigate unfamiliar places. I rely on screen readers to access my computer. Sometimes I ask someone to identify the color of a shirt or read a handwritten card.

They're tools and supports that allow me to exercise my autonomy.

The sighted guide doesn't decide where I'll go.

The screen reader doesn't decide what I'll write.

The person reading the birthday card doesn't decide how I'll respond.

I do.

That's the distinction I wish more people understood.

Too often, disability is viewed through the lens of what someone can't do physically instead of asking a much more important question:

Who is making the decisions?

If someone else is deciding when you wake up, what you wear, where you live, or what you're allowed to do, your autonomy has been limited.

If you're making those decisions yourself-even if you need assistance carrying them out-you are exercising autonomy. You are directing your own life.

We need to stop confusing physical assistance with a lack of autonomy.

They're not the same thing.

In fact, the supports people with disabilities use often make autonomy possible.

A wheelchair provides mobility.

A service dog provides access.

A screen reader provides information.

A personal care attendant provides physical assistance.

None of those things diminish a person's autonomy. They expand it by making it possible to live according to one's own choices rather than one's limitations.

As I've been reflecting this Independence Day, that's the idea that keeps coming back to me.

Perhaps the highest form of independence isn't doing everything alone.

Perhaps it's having the freedom and authority to make your own decisions—and having the supports you need to turn those decisions into reality.

Because at the end of the day, independence isn't measured by how many things you can do without help.

It's measured by whether you're the one steering your own life.

That's autonomy.

And that's something worth celebrating every day of the year!

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Written By Michelle Friedman

Michelle Friedman, Keshet immediate past board chair in Chicago, a member of Disability Lead and has been a disability advocate for 40 years. She has written two children’s books and is a frequent speaker for elementary and high school-age students. #AllInForAllAbilities