best of the worst: 2025

my favorite 2025 tubi originals:
the laundry room stalker (co-starring none other than antoine mckay aka uncle spike from south side my fave) a former convict becomes a person of interest after a string of murders of sex workers occurs around an apartment building’s laundry room! did i………used to live in this building???
married to a balla 2 a survivor’s fresh start with her sons, a mounting career, and new love unravels when her abusive ex awakens from a coma, bent on vengeance!
the handyman clicked on this as soon as i recognized claudia jordan in the poster!! hopefully by now she has a car and a place to live and food and furniture and a man hahahaha i love this stupid ass shit
a mother’s confession when a gang shooting leaves her son in a coma, a single mother grapples with faith and morality as she seeks vengeance against the perpetrator! A WHOLE LOT OF PLOT-DEVICE COMAS ON THIS NETWORK
secrets, scores, and scandal a teacher exposes corruption in an atlanta school’s test scandal while falling for a man whose mother, the principal, is under investigation! okay yandy is in this and i love yandy, so two mendeecees penises up.
you toxic AF nia falls for JayR, a charming promoter with secrets, as love spirals into obsession, betrayal, and a fight for herself. i promise you that’s how they spell JayR.
shorty got that work 2 and thank god about it, i was worried after part one that shorty was not gonna continue to get that work!!!!
hag after a decade apart, rowan rents his spare room to mag—a self-proclaimed “hag”—whose obsession with him grows into a life-or-death showdown! i am simply delighted to tell you that this movie is about a mentally ill f*ghag who single white females a gay barista??? i have never seen a better movie in my life.

HASHTAG NOT AN AD
did you know they make garrett’s popcorn: in individual bags
obsessed with: charles barkley, the funniest man alive
i keep a box of these: kleenex disposable hand towels in the car at all times
incense > candles: calmveda 1980s nag champa
obsessed with: the crazy way this guy cuts hair
still obsessed with: america’s funniest home videos
i bought this cool: skull sweatshirt from my faves thief and bandit
i also bought this cool: bikini bod sweatshirt from fashion brand company
obsessed with: the lowdown
best: birthday present for anyone with a defective butthole
or if they’d rather: shove some herbs up there
obsessed with: this amber nightlight
a different good incense: the plant guru balsam and cedar
getting back into: polymer clay earrings (copped several of these)
obsessed with: SKY DADDY
obsessed with: shane and ilya
favorite and best kalamazoo dispensary: in case you ever need to get stoned here
while you’re in town you should also go to: factory coffee and principle and saffron
favorite lotion in a brown bottle (coded for black people): nivea cocoa butter
still watching: this old ass conan bit
the best: actually cozy scarf to wear indoors without looking like a fucking asshole
obsessed with: pattern curly hair mousse
i drink a lot of this: sugar-free zero calorie mixture of chemicals made to taste like sweet tea
the only good: pain cream
this big boy: is my favorite daily fiber supplement
obsessed with: this puzzle book i’m much too dumb for
these pencils for toddlers: are very good for working on crosswords and sudokus you’re fucking up without getting a hand cramp
obsessed with: ms pat and tami roman

this year was so fucking stupid and i feel brain damaged by it, like………i can’t find anything to say other than “i guess we have to just keep on doing whatever we can until we die” and hope it doesn’t take too long. i suppose that’s the vibe i’m gonna carry into 2026? real i’m here so i don’t get fined energy. i’m tired, where is the asteroid!

BANGERS i listened to the most this year:
magnolia jj cale
been so long anita baker (i am sixty-eight years old)
you can have it all florence + the machine
lovedrug lady gaga
bone 2 pic (wit u) angie stone RIP QUEEN
guardian memorial feat lomelda
vibes don’t lie leon thomas (good nighttime writing song)
god gave me feet for dancing ezra collective (A BOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
everybody knows i’m sad marina
call it fate, call it karma the strokes
sunset andy shauf
ziplock saba
the end of the line metallica (james, i can fix u)
crown billie marten
love calls kem
bam sha klam lomelda (this twee shit really moves me)
walk all over you lola young
going in circles the friends of distinction
maestranza fleet foxes (good daytime writing song)
how could you buju banton
colossus of roads hurray for the riff raff (see them live if you can)
wasted time meshell ndegeocello (A+ yearning soundtrack)
last flowers radiohead
when i’m back on my feet again michael bolton
extermination upon a burning body (good song for letting a bitch know)

i’m not really a motivational quote girlie, but here are a few things posted around my workspace that i’m gonna take with me into the new year:
-a note from my psychiatrist that reads: what is the feeling i am seeking for myself? how do i get there?? FAKE IT!!!!!! (this advice was specifically re: confidence and self-assuredness, but it also helps to apply it to other things, like “normalness” and “intelligence” and “enthusiasm”)
-this fruity iyanla vanzant quote in 120 point font: “have the courage to be exactly who you are without apology. admit your mistakes without beating yourself up. release all shame! release all guilt! you cannot live if you are hiding behind what was. focus on what is, right now, and that is you!”
-this very helpful post-it note i wrote to myself eight months ago:

some albums i listened to in full, on repeat, for many cumulative hours this year:
madison mcferrin SCORPIO (my #1 fave this year, i think)
latin mafia todos los días todo el día
this is the kit careful of your keepers
pearl jam no code
erykah badu mama’s gun
de la soul cabin in the sky
hayley williams ego death at a bachelorette party
lady gaga mayhem
dave the boy who played the harp
musiq soulchild juslisen
sawyer hill heartbreak hysteria

some books i gave:
my lady got the book raising hare by chloe dalton, which is beautiful and incredible and i know it sounds boring but i promise it’s great. my friend mia is into romance so i got her one of my absolute favorite fucked-up love stories, cecilia rabess’ everything’s fine. sent my smart, sensitive friend a copy of wreck by catherine newman and i gave my father-in-law (i have a father-in-law????? wild) the road to tender hearts, which fucking whips and i can’t shut up about it. the girl child is seventeen and into scary shit so paul tremblay’s horror movie is the book i went with, and since we’re talking about horror you know i live for nat cassidy and gave out a few copies of his new book when the wolf comes home as well. the boy is twenty now, which is illegal and insane, and got a copy of high bias (the distorted history of the cassette tape) by marc masters because he produces and records music and i’d already gotten him that new mf doom biography for his birthday. here’s a belated christmas gift for him: if you are into eardrum-shredding ambient drone noise rock (WHO ISN’T) you can listen to his band of “ebullient sonic shapeshifters” via ferrata and/or if you are into jungle/house/dub, you might enjoy his solo DJ project nodrogolaj, which is what i would choose if he forced me to listen to his music at gunpoint. help him out, tell your friends, he is a nice boy.

resolutions !
-vacuum the dog hair out of my car
-watch a bronzer tutorial
-commit to my psychiatry homework even when it fuckin sucks
-get off my phone
-see a real live whale in the ocean
-continue to watch every tubi movie ever made

all my best to you and yours, thank you for riding this wave with me!