Dear You,
Maybe you’re living with your parents, watching others build flourishing careers.
Maybe you’re watching friends get married and have children, wondering when it’ll be your turn.
Maybe you just got rejected from your dream school.
Maybe you feel like you’re in a race you never signed up for, and somehow, you can never keep up.
You’re watching other people build out their lives, comparing their achievements and joy to your lack.
It’s easy to get so caught up in a fabricated idea of a miracle coming along to rescue you; a great job offer, a mysterious lover, a life worth living. A miracle achievement that will finally push you forward, right? But the truth is, you are the miracle. You always were.
You just happened to forget.
In an age where self-worth is deeply intertwined with external achievement, it’s easy to get swept away by the narrative of “milestones”. These milestones are set time stamps for how our life is supposed to play out; they are determined by our surrounding environment.
Yet milestones don’t bend to the vast, messy reality that is life.
For example, it is a very standard milestone in many communities to attend college after high school. But this unyielding structure doesn’t account for those who had familial or financial responsibilities that prevented them from pursuing that path. Instead of celebrating an equally noble form of growth that is tailored and equitable, we are indoctrinated with comparison and shame.
But what do you do when you work hard for something, only for it to never come to fruition? What if the reason you didn’t attend college isn’t because of external setbacks, but rather your own underperformance? Or, what if you did everything you could, but still received a rejection?
When you really think about it, that’s actually one of the most beautiful things that can happen to you.
That is direct proof that there is something bigger waiting out there for you. You poured your heart and soul into something that did not know how to hold it, and the rejection is just a way of making space for the right path.
In fact, being intentional about your life is the biggest hack to combatting the feeling of falling behind.
You fall behind when you aimlessly chase opportunities out of desperation. But when you are intentional, passionate, and hard-working, loss becomes a tool to direct you towards the most fulfilling path for you. Feeling “stuck” and “lost” transforms into a state of discovery. You no longer feel as if you are missing out on a life you never lived; you realize the life is missing out on you.
You are someone who already belongs in rooms they have yet to step in.
Last night, as I walked through my college campus, I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that my younger self never even thought I could graduate. She went through a lot to be where she is today. She started her life from zero multiple times, switched her major and career path over four times, and sat alone scrolling through other peoples’ highlights, wondering why she couldn’t seem to catch up.
Yet all the things that felt like setbacks were what shaped me into becoming the type of person who was ready to receive the life I stepped into. If I hadn’t lost certain things or underwent those experiences, I would have never attained the opportunities I had now. It was always waiting for me, it just took time.
Sometimes, when the urge to compare overtakes me, I forget that I’m living in the midst of things I’d once prayed for. Even the problems I have now are struggles I once dreamt of experiencing. It’s just easy to forget when in the endless, hedonistic pursuit of the next milestone.
Even the internship I just landed was tied to a loss I experienced a few years back. Ironically, at the time, it felt like the end of the world. If I’d known that the same experience I cried over for months would lead to the perfect full-circle moment years later, I would have never believed it. Now, I see it as proof that there is always a bigger plan that can’t be seen in the moment.
Life has a funny way of surprising you. You just need to learn to notice.
So my request to you, no matter where you are in life reading this, is to notice.
Notice how far you’ve come. Notice the blessings in your life. And most importantly, notice what a miracle you are. You are sitting somewhere in the world, reading about a collective, yet painfully individual struggle, loving yourself enough to let these words offer you the solace of truth.
So, here’s what has helped me in the moments I felt the most shamefully stagnant. Save this list and revisit it when needed.
Action Items:
Keep a “proof of” journal: Document small wins and losses that turned into growth. Your faith in life’s redirections will grow. Losses will no longer feel like the determining factor of your trajectory.
Start focusing on what you can control: Don’t be an observer in your own life. Be intentional with what you do, and you’ll feel less aimless about where you’re going.
Communicate with future you: Record videos or schedule send emails to your future self so you can see how far you’ve gotten and that things always end up working out.
Consider your environment: If you are in a high-pressure environment, think of finding communities that make you flourish without competition or toxicity.
Gratitude: This is small but makes a huge impact. Instead of focusing on what you lack, learn to get excited about what you do have. Better yet, get excited about your potential for obtaining what you dream of.
Consume mindfully: Pay attention to the type of content you see online, the music you listen to, the things you read and hear. These shape your thoughts. Turn your reflection inward.
You have so much ahead of you. I’m rooting for you.
From,
Me
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