I Know It’s Here Somewhere

Have you ever decided that you no longer needed something?

I’m not talking about a spouse or a job or anything like that. I mean that thing you used to do that you haven’t done for so long because you have been too busy and now you have the time but, alas, it’s gone.

Yeah. That something.

I have a lot of those. Correction. I had a lot of those.

I was definitely not endowed with good judgment when it came to making those yes-or-no decisions that others routinely make.

My mother was a hoarder, and my wife used to tell me I took after her.

So, when we were downsizing eight years ago, she looked at me, and I knew it was time. Stuff needed to go.

I should mention that I discovered I still have a budget spreadsheet from a job I left in 1984. But that was digital. Yes, digital back then. It took work to save that from floppy to thumb drive to hard drive to cloud. Really? Something’s wrong with me.

But this isn’t about stuff I kept. This is about stuff I now wish I had kept.

Like easels, oil paints, canvases, and brushes, for example.

My first paintings were not on canvas. They were on the basement wall, and mold ate them up. So, I couldn’t save them. Who knew I was a graffiti artist back in the Seventies? That’s not fair to graffiti artists. Their stuff lasts.

Time moves differently when you paint. It feels like it doesn’t move at all but then you lean back, stretch and realize it’s getting dark in here.

I kept some of my paintings. Two are framed and on the walls. Others are in a box in the storage area in our coop complex.

I also got rid of my piano, the first thing I bought when I got my first apartment. It wouldn’t fit here, so I donated it to young boys learning to play. Chances are, it has gotten a lot more use than if I had kept it.

I guess I shouldn’t lament the decisions I made in my life. I made a lot of great ones that I don’t think about because I have no regrets over them. I tend to focus on the things lost rather than the things gained. The “If only” scenarios can drive us crazy.

I should focus on the “If, then” scenarios.

If I really want to paint again, then I will buy supplies, find a place for them, and paint.

Simple, right?

Maybe if I empty out my kitchen cabinets and get down to a reasonable number of cups and glasses, I will have room for my supplies.

There.

I am feeling better already.

Anyone need some cups and glasses?

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