Lazyass bike rider

Cyclists are the laziest people I know.

Coasting is my thing. One easy pedal stroke will carry me as far as a dozen strides. I can’t speak for all bike riders – there are those weirdos in their embarassing shorts – but most of us loathe hills and will take long winding detours just to avoid them. When confronted with an unavoidable grade I just shift into granny gear and plod along, knowing that sooner or later I will summit and then, payoff time! … like a dog with its head out the window, tongue flapping in the breeze, bugs in my teeth – downhill. Free motion! Gravity, I beat you, again.

I ride because I am too lazy for any other kind of transport. Walking all the way across town to do a chore would take far too long, I can’t be bothered. I get exhausted just thinking about leaving early enough to catch the bus. And then there is the anxiety of standing at the stop wondering if the bus will ever arrive, or if I’ve already missed it. If I take the bike I can leave at the last possible minute and know exactly when I will arrive, regardless of traffic or weather. And driving? Hell, if I bought a car I would have get a full-time job just to buy and feed and care for the damn thing, and who wants to work that much?! Not me, not ever. I’ll just ride my bike, thank you very much. Because it’s the easiest option.

The reason I am now in early old-age and still biking is certainly not because I am athletic, much less some kind of martyr freak. I would ride my bike even if it was bad for the planet and made me fat. Biking is simply my lazyass habit. It’s easy, it’s painless, and it is dirt cheap fun.