A Self-Care Checklist for Dementia Caregivers

This is embarrassing to admit. After all, I am a nurse and multitasking is fundamental to what we do. But many of us suck at self-care.

As a caregiver for my spouse on the downhill slide of moderate dementia, I experienced total and utter exhaustion. I could not function, but insisted that I could. It is only on the other side of it—now approaching three years since he died—that I can see it and own it.

I never want to be there again.

I’ve always been a list maker. Sunday evening I sit down, look at the calendar for the week ahead, and organize which three things are priority items to get done. It always served me well.

My priority items tended to be things for other people or work-related.

One morning over coffee I had a moment of clarity. I needed a list to check off things I do for me. It took me a moment or two to resist the instinct to throw that idea away. so deep were my default settings.

I needed a hard reset.

I took a blank piece of paper and wrote down some things. Take a nap. Call a friend. Take a walk. Attend a social event. Say no to something you think you should do but don’t really want to. Ask for help.

I placed three boxes in front of each item so I didn’t think I needed to do all of them. I could pick and choose. Maybe I only do a social event every 2 weeks which could be just meeting a friend for coffee. Maybe I call a friend twice a week. In the beginning I didn’t give myself a target number for the week. The first few times I checked off one of those boxes felt a little weird, but soon it felt good—just like checking off those priority things I always checked off.

Wait a minute. I could feel the same way I did when I checked off a box for external things as I did when checking off something I was doing for my self? Whaaaat?

It was disorienting at first, then a bit selfish, and ultimately empowering. Who knew?

I now have a target of five checked boxes per week. Probably should be twice that but hey it’s a start!

Your list might look a lot different than mine and that’s okay. I know it looks simple but it is one way to beef up your self-care.

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