Sir Sheer Karma

Hello humans!

So another week goes by and proves that I’m no longer the exotic novelty option to run the UK, US, or - if you’ll permit me - your whole silly planet. What’s more, there might just be a vacancy coming up…

What have we had to put up with over the last seven days?

• Fanta Felon Donald Trump has likened himself to Jesus, then claimed he didn’t, and attempted to unblock the Strait of Hormuz by [checks notes] blocking it.

• Hillbilly Himmler JD Vance tried to teach Catholicism to the Pope.

• Pete ‘Mine’s a Triple’ Hegseth attempted to quote from the Bible during a prayer service but ended up reciting a speech from Pulp Fiction.

• The World Cup Final will feature a half-time show ‘curated by Chris Martin and Coldplay’.

• Mars Bars have disgracefully been shrunk by a quarter, yet still cost the same price. [Rest assured, fixing this is going straight into my next manifesto.]

And of course, the sinister spectral force of ‘Lord’ Peter Mandelson has returned to roast Keir Starmer all over again. The Prime Minister is now so tainted by this scandal, he might as well prance around the Downing Street rose garden wearing one of Epstein’s unfortunately short towelling robes.

He’s toast. And seeing as I’m the only politician who truly tells it like it is, allow me to stick the boot into Sir Keir in a way that will hurt him more than any other.

If you’re a big Starmer fan, you might not want to read on.

But if you’re Olly Robbins, Sue Grey, or pretty much the rest of the population, tuck in. I think you’re going to like this.

[It’s the weekend, treat yourself! Upgrade HERE now and get 20% off a full, unadulterated satirical hit of Count Binface in your inbox every week. Plus for all new annual subscribers you’ll get a free personalised galactic video from yours truly! Offer ends on Star Wars Day, May 4th 2026.]