A Perfect Example of "Tough Love" Coaching

By now you’ve likely seen these clips from yesterday’s Maryland WBB vs UNC WBB NCAA Tournament matchup. As someone who was there - in the stands, yes, but also behind the scenes in year 4 with Maryland - I want to tell you what you don’t see.

First, let me clarify two things; credit & purpose.

Though I work as a communication specialist all credit for this moment goes to Coach Brenda Frese and Oluchi Okananwa - two people who made a commitment to building the coach-athlete relationship to the point witnessed by millions yesterday.

My purpose in sharing what follows is because,

1) too many coaches are getting fired for conversations like this

2) too many of today’s athletes are being labeled as “soft” if they don’t respond well to this type of coaching

3) because it would be easy for coaches, athletes, administrators, and fans to write this moment off as the exception instead of a massive learning opportunity

I hold the invitation to go behind the scenes and work with a team throughout their season as sacred. It’s a privilege to share that space, and those conversations are private and will remain so.

Without breaking confidentiality, here’s what you didn’t see yesterday that I want you to know…

The relationship was built with intention. As a transfer, this coach-athlete relationship didn’t have the luxury of being built over years. It was built by two people who made the choice to trust each other. Not once, but continually.

The relationship was built through transparency and reinforced by consistency.

The relationship was built through a commitment to understanding what works, what doesn’t, and why.

ALL relationships have friction and conflict is a naturally occurring event.

The difference between friction resulting in fracture, or friction strengthening a relationship is each person’s commitment to curiosity and repair.

For the “tough love” coaches out there, you can still be successful with today’s athletes. All that is required is that you show the love before bringing the tough.

In yesterday’s game, Coach Frese and Oluchi gave a perfect example of belief, trust, care, and mutual respect.

Earned and refined, together ✨

With gratitude,
Betsy

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