Cataplexy leaderboard - April Update

This is a leaderboard for times when I have cataplexy. My main trigger for cataplexy is finding something funny. (I’m including this note for context as one of my friends read the March update and didn’t understand what it was about, and they assumed it was some sort of avant-garde poetry. I think it may well be some kind of avant-garde poetry, but it is specifically avant-garde non-fiction poetry).

• If you make the joke: 2 points

• If I make the joke but you are there to witness it: 1 point to you, 1 point to me

• If I lose full body control/ hit the ground: Bonus 2 points to whoever makes the joke

• New rule introduction - yellow cards: If anyone breaks the spirit of the game they will be penalised with a yellow card.

• Alan: I was going for a walk with Alan. He made a joke and I collapsed on the path. I’m not sure if it was intended to be a joke but it was very funny. Also a small child was nearby, who was presumably confused as to why I had gone from vertical to horizontal, and ran over and put it’s small child hand on my chest in what was presumably intended to be an act of spiritual healing. This was very sweet. Score: Alan - 2 points + 2 bonus points +1 small child spiritual healing bonus point. Also on the walk we were talking about wholeness, and I said something like ‘I am all for wholeness but I want to be a different whole’. This was very funny and I collapsed. Score: Me - 1 point, Alan - 1 point. (Alan’s codename was previously Stefano. However, due to an error in my cryptography algorithm I accidentally called him Siegfried, which risked depreserving his anonymity, hence moving to Alan as a new codename)

• Liam: I was playing with a small sloth called Liam. I had previously purchased this as a Valentine’s day gift from Tesco. The sloth has a loveheart sewn to it’s paws which says ‘I ❤️ you slow much’. I was playing with the sloth and thrusting it’s hips back and forth in a sexual manner. I found this very funny and collapsed. This has happened to me multiple times. Score: Me - 1 point, Liam - 1 point. Also, later on I was talking to Liam (this is a bit confusing because Liam is both the name of the Sloth, and the codename for someone else) and said that I was feeling fear. Liam asked me what I would like to feel instead, and I said ‘just about anything else’. I thought this was very funny and collapsed. Score: Me - 1 point, Liam - 1 point. Also, there was another time when we were talking about [redacted] which was quite intense, but I also found it quite funny and collapsed. Score: Liam - 1 point.

• House: I was chairing our fortnightly house meeting. I was about to make a joke about how being an enneagram type 5 exculpated me from basic house responsibilities. The potential of this joke was however too much for me and so I instead collapsed. I’m a bit unsure about whether this gets the ‘hit the ground’ bonus points. I was in a chair, and sort of slumped out of the chair in a semi-controlled manner. Ultimately I don’t think the impact on the ground was forceful enough to justify the bonus points, but it’s a bit of a judgement call. Score: Me - 1 point, House - 1 point. Later on I spent some time alternating between crying and laughing manically. Honestly it’s a bit unclear to me why. Or perhaps I don’t want to tell you, you nosy bastards. Anyway, I went to the bathroom to get some tissues, and on the return from the bathroom, I collapsed. This is an interesting one because I didn’t even have a specific joke in mind, but it seems like I was just going of pure ambient joke potential. Given this the relevant Shapley values are unclear, lets say: Score: Me - 2 points, House - 2 points, God - 2 points.

• Sponish: Sponish said that he would not be available to have a halloumi wrap after our squash game. Foul: Sponish - yellow card.

• Jarhend: As correctly pointed out in the March update I forgot to include him in the final scoreboard. Score: Jarhend - 1 reparations point. However, his comment exceeded the comment character limit. Foul: Jarhend - yellow card.

As ever, please correct me with any corrections or admissions.