Embracing the Greys

I spotted my first grey hair when I was 26.

Though I was staying in a budget motel, the lighting was good around the rectangular vanity mirror. Good enough to reveal the renegade atop my head.

My horrified reflection said it all.

WTF. A grey at this age?

The filthy imposter. I couldn’t retrieve my tweezers from my toiletry bag fast enough.

Though the cautious tale of more greys coming to the funeral weighed on me, the rogue met the same fate that his relatives did over the next several years. Pluck. Pluck. Pluck.

In time there were too many to pluck and I was faced with the inevitability of the situation. Whether I like it or not, this is happening.

The little grey beauties have continued to sprout, relentless in their quest to take over my head. I’ve imagined them laughing in the face of my resistance, while knowing full well the absurdity of that thought.

For a year or two I’ve been contemplating when I’ll feel ready to stop with the blonde and caramel foils and welcome them with open arms. My resistance has softened but the timing still hasn’t felt right.

I’ve been wondering why.

Is it because I’ll look older?

I’ll feel older?

Because it will change how I see myself?

Change how others see me?

Because of what I associate with ageing?

None of the stories felt particularly empowering.

Last week I did a one-week intensive to kick off a year-long training in narrative therapy and community work. I was drawn to this practice because of my love of story, my belief in the power of storytelling, and my deep interest in the way narratives shape our lives.

It was a brilliant week connecting with practitioners from fourteen different countries, all working in the helping professions like therapy, counselling, and social work.

Again and again, we see how problem stories can become dominant forces in people’s lives. How the stories we tell — and the stories told about us — shape how we feel, act, and see ourselves.

It reminded me of something simple, but important.

Though the story I tell myself about my greys will be influenced by conditioning, societal norms and the environment I live in, it’s ultimately mine to own.

Lately my boys have jumped enthusiastically on the ‘Embrace the greys, Mum!’ bandwagon. I’m not entirely sure what their motive is 🧐 but it’s been oddly nice nonetheless. 😂

So, last week I took a step.

Instead of highlights, I chose lowlights to blend my natural brown root colour in with the greys and the blonde ends.

She wasn’t my usual hairdresser, but she was so perfect for this milestone. She told me how beautiful grey hair is. How some people pay good money to have their hair coloured this way.

I truly appreciated her compassion and genuine support. She offered me an alternative story — one that gently disrupted the ageing narrative that had been running unchecked in my mind.

So, after an eternity of blonde foils, I’m stepping into embracing the greys.

It is different to look in the mirror and see them looking back at me. And I’m learning to be okay with that.

After all, the story I tell shapes how I feel.

What a privilege it is to age. That’s my new story.

Not everyone gets this opportunity. Not everyone has hair or gets to choose what it looks like. Not everyone has the privilege of making such choices. I’m embracing that, and the greys (well, I’m getting there 😉).

I hope everyone is going well getting back into the groove of the year! We are about to hit all the kids birthdays in the next month. I’ll have 3 in double digits, which I cannot believe!

What a privilege it is to age. To witness it. To live it.

A small note.

This reflection on greys and ageing is part of the larger body of work I explore about identity, visibility, purpose and transitions.

My new book, Seen Again: Light on Matrescence, was born from these kinds of questions. The cover was revealed this week, which still feels surreal! Pre-orders open 3 March. You can read a description of Seen Again here. ❤️

If my words resonate, you might also be drawn to:

• Seen Again: The Journey — a five-month small group guided journey (April - September 2026). Enrolments are now open.

• Seen Again: The Immersion — a three-night, in-person retreat for six women ready to step out of everyday roles and into sanctuary. Held 28–31 July 2026 at Sky High, Mount Franklin. Expressions of interest are open. Full details coming soon!

Thank you for being here.

Let me know if you are embracing the greys this year too… or not… ? 👩‍🦳

With love,

❤️ Benita xx