Crunchy

The last week has been crunchy.

Messy. Uncomfortable. Prickly under my skin.

Like feeling everything all at once, with no clear sense of where one feeling ends and another begins.

The clinical word might be dysregulation but ‘crunchy’ feels more accurate.

I received an AuDHD diagnosis (ADHD Combined type and ASD level 1) that affirms what I’ve long suspected. (I’ll do a post on this another time).

Pre-menstrual anxiety and fatigue.

Supporting one child through a health challenge, and another through nervous system overwhelm.

My book entering the world. While I’m proud and excited, there’s an identity shift and self-image upgrade stirring beneath it all.

And then the everyday load — family, business, decisions, renovation, the state of the world.

So many beautiful things, and also things that challenge and stretch my nervous system.

When I feel like this, my instinct is to want to move through it as quickly as possible and get back to regulation. Back to what’s familiar and ‘normal’.

The old programming is strong and keeps wanting to intervene…

Eat the discomfort away.

Drink it away.

Scroll it away.

Netflix it away.

Sleep it away.

Anything not to feel it. Which, of course, is the very point of it.

However, I know that I can grow in discomfort. So I’ve been doing my best to sit in it, to feel what’s there. Even when it’s uncomfortable — especially then.

When things feel crunchy and I’m untethered, there are moments — sometimes whole days — where it feels like everything might spiral out of control.

My autistic traits yearn for control, order and normalcy, while my ADHD traits can leave me in decision paralysis.

When it’s crunchy I have to come back to any of the things that anchor me.

Sleep.

Water.

Nourishing food choices.

A walk straight after school dropoff.

Pulling out my journal before bed.

Gratitude.

Breath.

Stretching.

Micro routines.

Habit stacking.

Lists.

Voice notes to soundboard.

Not all at once. Sometimes only one. The question I ask myself is: what’s one simple thing I could do in this moment that would feel better?

These anchors have a powerful influence on how I feel, and my capacity to face and process the messiness.

The other practice that’s powerful is naming it. My diagnosis names it. The other recent diagnosis in our home names it. Writing down my feelings names them.

There’s a saying you might know: name it to tame it. And while it doesn’t always feel that simple, I believe there’s magic in it.

When we can name something, we begin to understand it. We have language for it. We can find support and move through it with more awareness, validation, and better tools. I spoke about this in my last post on matrescence, how naming the transition of becoming a mother opens something up for us.

I know labels can be divisive, but in my experience, they’ve been empowering. I wrote the following about my anxiety diagnosis four years ago on page 68 of Seen Again.

So if things feel crunchy for you right now, go back to what anchors you.

What’s helped you in similar times in your past? What can you name that feels true? What’s one small step that will help you feel even 1% better?

Here’s to a less crunchy week, friends. And if not, here’s to continuing to explore ourselves, and focusing on what we can control. Cheers.

With love,

Benita x

P.s. Upcoming events where we can meet:

21 June: Women of the Murray x Rural Women’s Day Lunch, Moama Bowling Club

15 July: In Conversation with Dellam Vreeland, Ballaarat Mechanics’ Institute