"But, anyway"

I’ve been noticing something in my voice notes with friends over the last few weeks.

It’s a pattern I’ve noticed in all of us, myself included.

We share something out loud — sometimes something small, sometimes something real, sometimes something a bit heavy…

And then we say:

“But, anyway…”
or
“Anyway…”

Almost like we’re wrapping it up quickly.
Dismissing it.

As if to say — don’t worry about me. That was too much. Over to you.

Like we won’t quite let ourselves take up the full space we want to. A pulling back.

Because we’re thinking about the other person.
We’re thinking about not dominating the conversation.
About how long the voice note is.
About whether we’re being too much.

I do it too.

And the more I’ve noticed it, the more I’ve wondered what’s sitting underneath it.

There’s something interesting about voice notes in particular.

I actually love them and communicate almost exclusively via voice note with a circle of close friends.

Voice notes let us say more, without needing to find the perfect sentence, and with less risk of being misunderstood.

They feel more human than text because you can hear tone, context, and the real feeling underneath the words. And phone calls seem to be impossible to time these days!

Okay, I do have to stop and admit something though. I often do looong voice notes 🫣 Probably painfully long for some. Eeeek. I’m trying my best to become more succinct!

~

Voice notes help me hear myself. They give me a way to think out loud, to process and express something before I fully understand it.

It’s a really powerful tool for me as a mental projector. It’s often easier for me to see the other — to hear them, understand them, reflect them — than it is for me to see myself.

Sometimes I listen back to my voice notes for clues — where my energy lights up or sounds flat, to hear what’s true for me said out loud, and where I’ve made a decision without realising it.

And I hear myself doing the “but, anyway…” — editing mid-flow, instead of just letting the thought land.

Maybe it doesn’t always mean anything at all. Maybe sometimes it’s just a way of moving the conversation along.

But I’ve realised, when I say it, there’s often a part of me that’s softening what I just shared.

Making it smaller.
Easier to hold.
Less likely to take up too much space.

It’s such a small thing but it feels like it says so much about how we’ve been conditioned — to be mindful and respectful, yes, but also to not be too much.

To share… but not too fully.
To open… but not take up too much room.

I don’t think this is a problem to fix; just something worth noticing.

And maybe an invitation — for myself, at least — to let myself finish the thought and let it land without an “anyway.”

To share without rushing to soften it, and to trust that I can take up space…
and that there’s still space for the other person too.

In a vulnerability hangover, when that raw, unsettled feeling rushes in and tells us we’ve revealed too much, we can pause, notice the feelings, and thank them for trying to keep us safe.

-pg. 112, Seen Again: Light on Matrescence

We’ve created a special Mother’s Day gift for the mother in your life — or perhaps, for yourself.

When you pre-order Seen Again by midnight on Mother’s Day, you can access a beautiful digital printable of the Manifesto for Mothers that features at the close of the book. Here’s a little glimpse of it. 👇🏻

It’s something you can print and frame as a gift to yourself, or for the mother in your life who needs to be reminded of just how worthy she is.

Or, if you’re like me and not great at getting around to framing things 🥴, stick it on the bathroom mirror or fridge to return to as often as you need words to anchor you. 🤍

Once you’ve pre-ordered, head here to claim your print.

I’m genuinely curious to know if you hear yourself, or others, slip in an “anyway” or “but, anyway…”

Let me know if it’s a thing for you, and what you think about it.

Sending you love for the week ahead. 🤍

Benita xx

P.S. If my writing resonates, there are a few ways we can work together:

• You can sit with me in a 1:1 Clarity Coaching session — a space to be held, heard, and find clarity.

• Join me for Seen Again: The Immersion, 2-5 September at Sky High, Mt Franklin Vic.

• Or pre-order my new book Seen Again: Light on Matrescence.