Meet the New “60 Minutes” Team

Has the destruction of “60 Minutes” by the Trump overlords got you down? One can only imagine Edward R. Murrow turning over in his grave while lighting another unfiltered Camel.

Fear not. New CBS’ News Decimater-in-Chief Bari Weiss has chosen to destroy the storied franchise; but her total lack of broadcast news experience will not prevent her from nurturing the next generation of news talent that cries out, “Does this job come with health benefits?

Before you jump on management for blowing the whole thing up, take a look at some of the exciting segments in store for “60 Minutes” next fall.

• Lesley Stahl talks to robotics engineer Curtis Fludely, inventor of a mechanical remedial student capable of staying after school for detention.

• Bill Whitaker investigates the moving and storage industry when he helps CBS News boss Bari Weiss and her wife Nellie Bowles move into a new condo. In 60 Minutes Overtime, consultant A.B. Powers explains how to pack dishes while Whitaker goes out for bagels and coffee.

• Jon Wertheim talks with former reality star and L.A. mayoral candidate Spencer Pratt about the challenges of maintaining an up-to-date Linked-in profile.

• New correspondent Tiffany Trump visits her father, President Trump, who describes plans for his new Trump restaurant to be built on top of the Washington Monument and staffed by former Hooters waitresses.

Meet our new correspondents.

• YouTuber Alex Rapensworth has 5 million followers who view daily videos of him checking his scalp for head lice.

• Cindy Coppleman is the celebrity nose job reporter for “CBS Mornings.” Previously, she was a celebrity liposuction intern at “Entertainment Tonight.”

• Rick Cummings who, while working as an investigative journalist at the Topeka Capital-Journal, met and married the chatbot who replaced him.

And finally, the “60 Minutes” ticking clock will be updated with its new team swirling down a drain.

Comedy writer Ben Alper has written for Jay Leno, David Letterman and others. He is the author of “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages”