Today I’ve cried like 3 times, last time being 5 minutes ago because the coach sent a sweet message to conclude the season. One hour ago I was in the kitchen smiling joyfully as I listened to my kids banter with each other while painting. In between I’ve yelled because they were fighting over how far to move the movie forward, which bothers me immensely lately. To be fair, lately, everything is bothering me.
Pardon my language but it is a fucking rolercoaster over here. I didn’t have this kind of an emotional switch board even during pregnancy or puberty.
When this ride, that I didn’t know I was getting on or had any choice about, started earlier this year, I at first freaked out. The switching between my emotions was too fast, for the first time in my life I wasn’t sleeping well, my memory got patchy and everything bothered me. Like - my husband just sitting on the couch bothered me.
Luckily for me, the algorithm figured it out and served me some reels about menopause, which of course means I went down the rabbit hole, and while my doctor was clear I was not in menopause yet, I did learn that perimenopause is something that can hit women hard and early. It is basically like second pubery - the hormones go up and down and so does our life. After learing that, things got a bit easier, not because anything changed but because I knew I am not crazy - it is hormonal.
I will be turning 40 in a few days and I have no clue how these symptoms will get and I step into the fifth decade. I keep joking that during next 10 years I will be going through this,while the boys are going throug puberty, so really my husband should be the one to worry 🙂.
But all jokes aside, this is one of those times in my life where being female sucks. I won’t blame the genetics or God, but I just want to acknowledge that it sucks, that is all. Knowledge of what is going on and the acceptance of the same are the only saving grace right about now.
This whole post was also me sharing, in case you are experiencing this too - know that you are not alone or crazy, and also, I announcing/giving you heads up that now you are dealing with a perimenopausal life coach and that is new to both of us, so I wonder what will come out of this all. Wish me luck!
Oh, and let’s not forget the belly - what will happen to my belly lines during perimenapause? I will keep you posted!
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