Welcome back to The Belay Library — your on-demand collection of expert guidance, built around the science of child personality and real-life parenting.
This post: why praise can backfire and the specific shift that makes it actually work.
Praise feels like an easy win. It’s kind, it makes your kid feel good, and it seems obvious that more of it means more confidence.
We should praise our kids.
All of us like being seen, acknowledged, and celebrated.
But research also shows that over-praising can actually increase anxiety and decrease confidence over time.
The good news: it’s not about praising less. It’s about praising differently.
Below: Dr. Matheson shares specific praise habits that build real confidence, and the ones that quietly undercut it.
▶️ [Video: Simple Tips for Effective Praise]
Dr. Carol Matheson | 2 Minutes
⚡ Quick Tips
Looking for a fast reminder? Here’s the short version.
Things to Think About:
Focus on effort, not results. Try “I noticed how hard you worked on that math problem” instead of “You’re so smart!”
Be specific. Replace “Good job!” with “I love how you kept trying even when that puzzle got difficult.”
Celebrate character qualities. Kindness, empathy, and perseverance deserve as much recognition as achievements.
Avoid comparisons. Instead of “You’re the best artist in class,” try “I love how you used colors in your painting.”
Key Takeaway: These small changes in how you praise your child can help them develop true confidence that lasts a lifetime! Check out more Belay resources on developing a growth mindset in your child.
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