Jealousy is a complex feeling.
It’s layered with love and hate, desire and resistance, wanting the thing but not wanting others to have it.
The career. The looks. The relationships. The opportunities. The experiences.
Jealousy sounds like:
“Why them, not me?”
“They’re so lucky.”
“They don’t deserve it,” says who? Says you.
It’s uncomfortable to feel, and harder to admit.
It’s also uncomfortable to be the receiver of someone else’s jealousy.
But what if I told you jealousy can be used for good? That it can be weaponized, alchemized, and turned into fuel?
Because if someone is jealous of you, it means you’re moving in the right direction.
Enemies don’t show up when you’re on the wrong path.
"Thank the people who trigger you. They’re showing you something about yourself.”
What Jealousy Is Actually Showing You
To feel jealous means something deeper.
And you might not like it.
But as a former hater myself, I had to dissect where jealousy came from so I could flip it into something useful. I had to understand the origin in order to alchemize it.
Jealousy is an indicator of where you feel lack, whether it’s beauty, success, connection, confidence, or the life you know you’re meant to have.
Sometimes it’s from scrolling social media.
Sometimes it’s someone close to you.
Sometimes you’re genuinely happy for them, but a small part whispers, “I want that too.”
But the truth is: you don’t always want the thing itself.
Maybe you just haven’t recognized your own gifts yet.
Maybe you tried once and failed.
Maybe you never tried at all.
Jealousy is a mirror. It shows you where you’ve abandoned yourself, not where someone else has succeeded.
And when you realize that, the feeling loses its power. It becomes data. Information. Direction.
Sometimes You Don’t Want the Thing, You Want the Feeling
This is the part people don’t talk about.
Sometimes you don’t actually want what they have.
You want how you imagine it feels.
I used to watch creators travel, work from anywhere, go to brand events, and think, “They’re so lucky. I could never do that.”
But I could and I did, to a certain extent.
I’ve lived in three major cities over the past few years and worked remotely since 2018.
Because I tried. Because I needed a change. Because I believed there had to be a way.
And what I learned is this:
Half of what you see online is made of layers you never get to witness.
Among the good and glamorous moments, there was also:
Short-term housing stress.
Roommates.
Adjusting.
Loneliness.
Commuting.
Constant transitions.
Eventually, I realized I prefer having a home base for longer periods of time (minimum 1 year).
I need stability, routine, grounding.
If you need relocation tips and resources, I have a guide linked here.
And even the things I thought I wanted, like working in coffee shops, it was only fun when I had no meetings.
Most days? Loud. Distracting.
And honestly, I prefer my desk, silence, and a lo-fi playlist.
During that time, I was invited to brand events and pop-ups. Some opportunities I found. Others landed in my lap.
But the point is:
Nothing is too far out of reach, but you have to know what you actually want.
I stopped letting jealousy consume me. I took small steps instead.
I got specific about the life I actually wanted.
Because again,
Sometimes what you think you want isn’t what you truly desire.
If this letter is resonating, subscribe to Becoming Her — where we grow, heal, and find meaning together 💌
The Reality Behind What You’re Envying
Let’s break down comparison honestly:
Someone got a promotion.
Would you even want their job, or do you just want a win of your own?
Someone is posting their vacation in Mexico.
Be honest: do you even want to go to Mexico, or do you just want rest, freedom, or time off?
Someone just got into a relationship.
Are you emotionally healthy enough to attract and maintain the kind of relationship you’re fantasizing about?
Someone made six figures in their business.
Would you be willing to hear “no” a thousand times? Stay up until 4 a.m. packing orders? Pitch investors? Watch your bank account fluctuate?
Someone has strong friendships.
Would you be willing to walk away from old ones and spend time alone to attract better?
Most people envy outcomes, not the process.
Because everything that glitters is not gold.
You don’t know the blood, sweat, or tears behind someone’s success.
You don’t know the pain, isolation, or pressure they endured to become the version you’re looking at now.
People show highlight reels, not reality.
There are illusions everywhere, curated aesthetics and half-truths.
So stop comparing.
There is no competition when all our paths are different.
Jealousy Is a Superpower (When You Know How to Use It)
Jealousy forces you inward.
Do you want the thing, or the idea of the thing?
What would it really look like for you?
What is it showing you about yourself?
Or the people around you?
Sometimes clarity requires distance.
Sometimes you have to unfollow people online and in real life, until your mind gets stronger.
That’s how you win.
If you feel jealousy, it means you’re aware.
It means you want more.
It means you’re ready for change.
Being different will always stir jealousy in people who don’t know themselves yet.
And if you are the receiver of jealousy?
Take it as confirmation.
You might be the black sheep.
The “extra” one.
The one who dressed up, customized things, had big dreams, had random talents, loved makeup, loved books, loved being different.
Everything they teased you for?
Those were probably your gifts.
And everything they whisper about now?
You should probably keep doing it.
Your uniqueness is the blueprint.
You are the main character. And if you want to read more about how to fully embody that energy, click here.
If you are the receiver of jealousy, it means you are walking in the right direction.
You are already becoming her.
For My Readers Who Want to Go Deeper
To truly shift jealousy into abundance, you need a framework.
A mindset reset.
Tools that anchor your self-belief.
I learned all of this the long, uncomfortable way: through trial, error, heartbreak, and rebuilding myself again and again.
Along the way, I realized something important:
There is a method to becoming the version of you that you keep seeing in your head.
If you feel ready for that part of the journey, the paid tier is where I’m breaking down my 5-step abundant mindset framework, the same process I use to alchemize jealousy, comparison, and insecurity into clarity and confidence.
If you want to go deeper into becoming her, you can join or upgrade below.
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