Getting the most out of your 1:1s

At first, I didn’t understand why 1:1s were important.

For most of my career, my interactions with my manager were transactional — centered on daily tasks, status updates, and collaborative problem-solving. While some casual banter found its place in these conversations, there was no dedicated space to voice my thoughts or concerns.

Then, everything changed when I joined Amazon, and my manager scheduled recurring 1:1 meetings. It left me questioning their significance and what I was meant to talk about during these sessions. I quickly discovered that I wasn’t alone in my uncertainty.

According to humu.com, a company focused on empowering teams, nearly half (49%) of individual contributors feel anxious before 1:1 meetings with their manager, primarily because they don’t know what will be discussed — more on this later.

I was definitely a part of that 49% of individual contributors when I started having 1:1s. Now that I see the benefit, I try to help my team reduce anxiety around these discussions by keeping a flexible agenda and sharing tips for making the most out of these conversations.

As an engineer, you’ll likely have four types of 1:1s: Manager, Skip-level, Mentor, and Mentee. In this article, I’ll share what each of these meetings entails and provide you with tips on how to prepare for them.

Meetings with your manager and skip-level manager can be valuable. These meetings provide you with an opportunity to share your achievements, understand your manager’s priorities, and ask important questions.

1:1s with your manager is essential, especially in organizations that value autonomy. Since you may not interact with your manager daily, these meetings offer a chance to showcase your accomplishments, learn about your manager’s focus, and seek guidance when needed. To make the most of these conversations, a bit of preparation goes a long way.

I typically set aside 15 minutes before the meeting to gather my thoughts. Given that these 1:1s often span 30 minutes to an hour, I prioritize my top three discussion points:

1. Share three critical updates on goals, projects, or other relevant topics.

2. Prepare three questions you have for your manager.

3. Reflect on three significant challenges or accomplishments within your team (if you’re a manager yourself).

Being prepared helps ensure a valuable 1:1 meeting.

As for skip-level meetings, I initially hesitated to have them, assuming I might be wasting their time. However, at the encouragement of my manager, I set up a skip-level 1:1 and found it enlightening. It’s an opportunity to grasp your organization’s larger vision, understand your skip-level manager’s leadership style, and give your team increased visibility by sharing what your team has accomplished. For instance, it helped me understand their framework for making decisions and how/when to push back on requests for other teams.

Mentors play a pivotal role in your professional growth, whether you’ve chosen them or they were assigned to you by your manager. They’re typically seasoned professionals selected for their ability to guide and support your development. The key to a successful mentorship is a two-way street: you learn from them, and they, in turn, can benefit from your involvement.

During these mentorship discussions, I always share my current challenges. More often than not, your mentor has faced similar issues and can offer valuable insights or share their experiences in handling such situations.

For instance, when I transitioned into a managerial role, I sought advice on staying technical while leading a team. My mentor shared a helpful perspective and recommended staying curious.

Stay Technical While Leading Your Team

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May 15, 2023

Being a tech-savvy manager is important because engineers have high expectations of their leadership team. They want you to understand their work, expect you to speak their language, and provide technical guidance. So, how do you stay technical while leading a team?

Their advice reassured me that it’s okay to seek help and that it is normal to feel like I did. In preparation for this meeting, I recommend revisiting your top 3 list and considering questions you didn’t get to ask during your manager 1:1s.

Additionally, since your mentor will often be more senior, try to understand their responsibilities and goals to help you determine two things:

1. Can you assist them in any way? (Earn their trust)

2. Are you interested in taking on more responsibilities and moving toward a promotion?

If you’re in a managerial or mentorship role, it’s essential to create a safe and comfortable environment during 1:1 meetings. Here are three ways to achieve this:

1. Start with open-ended questions like “What’s on your mind?” or “How has your week been so far?” These questions are easy to answer and help ease any anxiety they might have.

2. Agenda for employees: In an autonomous team, you may not interact with your members daily. Contrary to popular advice, it’s perfectly fine to ask your team for a brief status update. Consider using a shared document like Google Docs or Atlassian’s Confluence for note-taking to keep everyone on the same page.

3. Agenda for mentees: Since the person you’re mentoring is typically not on your team, you can be more open-ended with the conversation. Let them choose what they want to discuss, allowing the conversation to evolve with their interests. If you no longer find yourself able to support them, it’s okay. Mentorships can be temporary relationships, and it’s important not to force them. I’ve had mentorships that lasted over two years and others that only lasted two months.

Remember, it’s also valuable to share what’s happening in your world, creating a two-way exchange of information and ideas. This fosters trust and open communication during your 1:1 meetings.

If 1:1 meetings with your manager, skip-level, or mentor have ever caused you anxiety, I can relate. However, I want to share a mindset shift that transformed these meetings from a perceived chore into an invaluable source of free coaching.

Imagine this: senior-level coaches often charge $89 or more per hour. Now, consider that you have the opportunity to engage in conversations with these experienced professionals for free — and you’re getting paid for it! It’s nothing short of remarkable.

In every 1:1 encounter, make it your aim to connect with the person on the call. These interactions are not just about ticking boxes or fulfilling obligations; they’re about expanding your horizons and enriching your toolbox. Take the time to learn about their frameworks, understand their strengths, and integrate these insights into your professional journey.

With this approach, you’ll not only maximize the value you receive from 1:1 meetings, but you’ll also grow as a professional in ways you might not have imagined. So, embrace these opportunities, view them as free coaching sessions, and watch your skills and understanding flourish with each conversation.

Resources

Make the most of your one-on-one meetings: https://hbr.org/2022/11/make-the-most-of-your-one-on-one-meetings

Make the most of one-on-one meetings with your manager: https://hbr.org/2021/12/make-the-most-of-one-on-one-meetings-with-your-manager

The ultimate one-on-one meetings guide for managers & employees: https://officevibe.com/guides/one-on-one-meetings