What happens when sex and God collide? In this debut memoir, Michaelann Gardner explores love, desire, and identity through the lens of conservative religion. Weaving together memoir and poetry, she traces the influence of doctors, religious leaders, and authority figures as she struggles to claim her own voice. From a difficult marriage to a chronic pain diagnosis, Gardner’s journey is one of unlearning, reckoning, and ultimately coming home to herself.
Gardner shares a wealth of knowledge and experience as she takes us on a psychosexual journey of overcoming sexual trauma. It’s as if Gardner opened her diary and allowed us all to see the world through micro-vignettes that are both unique and relatable. Her eloquent prose echoes a trumpet of healing and hope, but most of all, sovereignty.
—Blaire Ostler, author of Queer Mormon Theology: An Introduction
Michaelann's prose brings you out to the sea of her own history and story, which really, in turn, asked me as a reader to paddle alongside her and contemplate my own stories. This book feels essential for anyone who has had to grapple with loving themselves more than what they are told they should love. I resonated with her stories of the body, sexuality, sex, the shame that accompanies a high demand religion, and ultimately, with her journey away from what harmed her and back home to herself.
—Ashley Mae Hoiland, author of One Hundred Birds Taught Me to Fly
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