By now you probably know that I quit my 9 to 5.
If you watched the four part series, you saw the structured version of how I thought through it. The pros and cons. The conversations. The math. The decision. I’ll link them again below so you can watch in order.
Episode 2 : The ‘let me take take you back in time’ story
But here’s how it actually happened.
Around the holidays last year, I started seriously toying with the idea of leaving. It was a quiet thought in my brain that wouldn’t go away. Leave. Stay. Leave. Stay. I would think about it while prepping dinners. While sitting in meetings. While walking home.
January 1st came and I still wasn’t fully confident. I told myself I needed more time. That maybe I could play the dual life a little longer?
And then January 14th happened.
I just woke up that morning and my body knew.. It was physical. My brain and nervous system were heavily signaling me to lock the fuck in.
I knew I was done.
But I didn’t quit that day.
My yearly bonus was coming in February. And I’m not reckless. I was going to collect what I had worked all year for.
Those weeks waiting were brutal. they killed me inside.
I had already made the decision internally. Every meeting felt like a movie. Every Teams message felt like I was pretending. I would rehearse the resignation message in my head and then close the tab.
On the bonus payout day, I kept checking my bank app waiting for the bonus to hit. I knew the exact window it would land.
The minute it hit my account, literally within minutes, I sent the message to my boss to meet me.
And after I ended the call, my hands were shaking. I just stared at the screen for a full minute. Not crying. Not smiling. Just stunned. Processing. Relief and nausea at the same time.
People usually wait until bonus season passes before making big switches. I did too. But once it landed, there was no hesitation left. I had already quit in my body weeks earlier.
My last day is still a few weeks away. So yes, I’m still logging in. Still closing things out. Still being responsible.
But I feel lighter.
The work hasn’t changed yet. My calendar hasn’t changed yet. But the mental weight is gone. The dread is gone. The internal argument is gone.
Now here’s the deeper layer.
I’ve always been a creative kid. Not the straight A, top of the class type. I was mid. The only places I really lit up were art class, sports, extracurriculars where I could make something.
I’m also a Pisces. I’ve always been a dreamer. I like wandering. Getting lost in ideas. Sitting at a desk all day staring at spreadsheets was never instinctive for me. I forced myself to get good at it.
And I did. For almost ten years, I built a corporate career that made sense. I learned everything I could. I became competent. Respected.
Years ago, I wrote in my journal that when I hit my birthday this year, I wanted to “retire.” Truly delusional. I laugh at it now. I think what I meant was I wanted to stop feeling trapped.
The last two years changed everything. Bazaar wasn’t a hobby. It was a second shift. I hosted, negotiated, filmed, wrote, reinvested. I built it carefully. I monetized it. Without fully admitting/realizing it, I was building a second pillar strong enough to stand on.
Here’s the real risk.
I am walking away from the highest salary I’ve ever had. The cleanest upward path. Bazaar makes money, yes. But it makes significantly less. There is a version of this where growth slows. A version where I have to pivot again. A version where I fail publicly.
That’s real.
Some mornings I still wake up and think, what did you just do?
I am absolutely privileged to even have this choice. I had savings. I had momentum. Not everyone does. I don’t take that lightly.
But I hit a ceiling of I just can’t do this anymore.
After I posted the series, I received over a thousand DMs. I’m still reading them. Some of you shared your own crossroads. Some of you said this deeply inspired you and gave you the courage to say ‘fuck it’
My parents in India read every single comment. They call me and debrief like it’s a team meeting lol. My mom keeps saying how happy it makes her to see a village showing up for me even though we have never met. My dad points out specific messages and says, these people really believe in you.
Watching them feel proud has meant more than I expected.
If you’re reading this and you’re in your own version of that in between space, I see you. I know what that tension feels like. The gratitude and the restlessness existing at the same time. The fear of being irresponsible. The fear of disappointing people. The quiet thought you keep pushing down because it feels inconvenient.
If this story gave you even a little bit of ease, even a small sense of “okay, I’m not crazy,” that makes me truly happy.
Now you turn, have you ever made a pivot before? Big or small. Career, relationship, city, identity. How did you know it was time? And how did it play out?
I want to learn from you too.
Reply to this. Tell me your story.
In next week’s substack, i’ll break down my strategy on how i’m building Bazaar this year except now it’ll be full time :)
Love,
Nirupa
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