I don’t want to write today.
But I’m doing what I said I was going to because it feels better to do that than to not write.
I wonder how to see the blind spots.
Are they blind spots if I can see them?
And do they ever end?
If all of this all of this observation, experimentation, reflection is meant so that I better understand myself and how I situate myself within the world… how I come to know my own personal truth rather than the “truths” I’ve been told… where does it stop?
Is any of it even necessary or important?
Would it be a better more pleasurable use of my time to just not think at all?
To not create at all?
Yes I fulfill my potential by seeing what I can do.
But what if I too can fulfill my potential by seeing what I don’t do.
What I can say no to.
Choose for myself.
I really just want to be.
I don’t need to create.
I don’t need to make a difference.
I don’t need to shift the world into a higher more loving dimension through my effort.
What if I can do that by rejecting it all.
I feel a lump in my throat and an opening in my heart that also feels like fear.
I feel a bit high too but I’m not.
I feel I feel I feel.
I think I think I think.
Who fucking cares.
I want to go for a swim, I think.

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