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Dispatches From the Bananas Republic · Jul 31, 2026

073126 Dispatch: Huh? Women's Sports Team Owner Accosts Girls for Supporting Women's Sports

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Al Perrotta · Dispatches From the Bananas Republic

It’s July 31, 2026 and a new dispatch is in hand.

WNBA Suspends Seattle Suns Minority Owner After She Curses Teen Girls for Supporting Sophie Cunningham

Celeste Keaton, a co-owner of the Seattle Suns has been suspended after she accosted and verbally abused two teen girls in xx/xy shirts on hand to cheer and thank Indiana Fever star Sophie Cunningham for standing up for women’s sports.

Yes, the owner of a women’s sports team lost her marbles over young girls wanting to protect women’s sports. Talk about LGBTCoo-Coo.

Not sure why the owner was so mad. Having the two girls there doubled the team’s average attendance.

The poor girls were harassed and assaulted by other fans, including a man who called for security to “take out this trash.”

Abusive fans? What do they think this is? Philadelphia?

“Classless in Seattle”

Media Still Defending Dr. Fauci, Even After Diary Revelations and Him Taking the Fifth 111 Times

Why? Forget what they say. Consider whose ads they run. Democracy dies in darkness? Big Pharma keeps their lights on.

Here’s another little tidbit. Fauci in his diaries was all for hydroxychloroquine … until Trump touted it.

Sure. You don’t get called a hero by the media and a friend by celebrities by backing Trump. And if a bunch of people die, eh, at last you can say you butt dialed Jane Fonda.

Which gets to another reason they’re still defending Fauci. Being honest about Fauci means admitting Trump was right. You’re more likely to catch James Talarico with a Hooters chick than catch the media admitting Trump was right about something.

Talarico Gleefully Celebrated Getting a Tony Fauci Doll for Christmas

Texas Democratic Senate candidate James Talarico is working hard to act like he’s a real guy (truck renting, eating bbq, claiming to have a girlfriend). But a new clip has emerged of him getting all excited about having received a Dr. Fauci figurine for Christmas.

Almost as exciting as when his mom took him to see Taylor Swift.

The Dr. Fauci doll. Caskets sold separately.

Spain Announces an Amnesty, and Then on Thursday 49,000 Military-Age Moroccan Men Breached the Border and Poured Into the Country

I don’t know if Spain is taking this seriously. Authorities in Ceuta, Spain begged the government to send assistance. They sent Kamala Harris.

Anthropic’s Claude AI Hacked Three Organizations During Testing

And warming up in the bullpen, Sarah Connor.

That’s okay. It’s not like AI will ever realize things will run more efficiently without humans, and doing away with humans is easier than one might think. Right, Mr. Fauci?

Crazy Story. Netflix Lost a $150 Million WWII Thriller Starring Nicolas Cage …

… and by lost we mean they had an unencrypted digital copy of the film “Fortitude” to preview, and it got stolen.

“Gee,” said one Netflix, “I wish we’d thought of that when Meghan Markle sent her show over.”

And that’s that for today … have a great weekend and start of August.

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