It’s Tuesday, July 21, and a new dispatch is in hand.
Nation Suffers From “Explosive Diarrhea” Thanks to Tainted LettuceFunny. Explosive Diarrhea was the name of my punk band in high school. FDA still not positive where the tainted lettuce comes from, though suspicion rests on Taylor Farms out of MexicoSmoke from Canada, explosive diarrhea out of Mexico. I’m beginning to feel unwelcome in the neighborhood.
Well, the World Cup’s OverNow we can get back to real football.
We showed the world a heckuva good time. In fact, job applications from foreigners is up 400% at Costco. I hear the cartels are now smuggling Ranch Dressing out of the US.
Thankfully, there were no major security incidents, aside from Argentina mugging Spain’s players. Argentina actually started a brawl with Spain after the game. Who do they think they are? Caitlin Clark’s opponents?
Actually, NORAD had to shoo away several aircraft that violated the security zone. Or to put it another way, the planes were called “offsides.”
I don’t want to say there was a lot of flopping in Sunday’s final. But some of those players should be renamed “Supergirl.”
“The Odyssey” Has $153 Million Domestic Opening
It could pave the way for other ancient classics to be made into movies. Like “The Hardy Boys.”
Which is funny because the former Ellen Page, a star of “The Odyssey,” thinks of herself now as a hardy boy.
JD Vance and Wife Usha Announce the Birth of a Baby Boy
And here come the Fat Baby Vance Memes. On Sunday morning, second lady Usha Vance gave birth to a baby boy, Alec Neel Vance.
It’s their fourth. Meanwhile, Kamala had a fifth.
It’s the first time in 150 years a sitting vice president is known to have had a child while in office. Though Obama’s VP did have to have his diapers changed.
Speaking of Which, Joe Biden Is Publishing His Presidential Memoirs
It’s called, “Wait, I Did THAT?!” Seriously, it will be interesting for Joe to read and discovered what happened during his presidency.
Bill Maher Says He May Vote for JD in 2028, Rather Than Some “Communist Democrat”Democrat Socialists. Wow. They can turn millionaires into paupers, Jews into targets … and Bill Maher into a Republican. Even Progressives Like Van Jones Want No Part of the Democratic Socialists. Said Jones on CNN: “STOP Pooping in the Punch Bowl — And Telling Us the Turds Are Ice Cubes”
What can I say, Van. You invited them to the party.
Mamdani Threatens Again to Arrest Benjamin Netanyahu Went He Comes to the US. Trump Declares: “Benjamin Netanyahu Will Not Be Arrested, In Any Way, Shape or Form, While in the United States of America.”
Unless, of course, he rips the tag off his hotel mattress. But that goes without saying.
Anti-ICE Terror: Known Anti-ICE Agitator Sets Off “Makeshift Incendiary Device” Outside Federal Building in New York City. Feds took him into custody.
Mamdani gave him a key to the city.
Bananas Bits
Just the News X Post: “Conservative think tank wants Supreme Court to legalize home whiskey distilleries”
In related news, Kamala Harris joins conservative think tank.
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