everything nobody told us about postpartum

five postpartum experiences between us. here’s everything nobody told us before we needed it.

happy thursday!! okay this week we’ve got the real postpartum download from two moms who have been through it five times between us, a product that actually helped us heal, something to send to every new mom you know, and a poll. let’s get into it.

💬 from the group chat: what nobody told us

jessie has been through postpartum twice and is on the other side. amanda is in her third postpartum right now in real time. between us we have five completely different postpartum experiences. and the one thing they all had in common?

nobody told us anything.

not the real stuff anyway. not the stuff you actually need to know before you need it. so here it is. everything we wish someone had put in our group chat before we had to figure it out the hard way.

we did deep dives on all of this on the podcast if you want to go even further:

🎧 postpartum unfiltered — sex, weight loss, marriage, pumping

🎧 the mind f*ck that is postpartum — hormones, healing, 6 week checkups

🎧 real mom Q&A part 2 — postpartum hormones, toddler chaos, growing your family

nobody told us about the sitz bath.

not in the way it needed to be said. they hand you this little plastic thing and they’re like ‘do this’ and you’re like okay, and then you don’t do it religiously because nobody told you that if you don’t do it, your vagina will not heal properly. nobody said that. they should have said that.

first time around amanda was holding the baby on day two or three and was in so much pain she literally didn’t know what was happening. someone finally told her to get on that sitz bath and do not move for 45 minutes. and she was like why did nobody tell me this before i left the hospital.

btw, we think they should rebrand it. ‘sitz bath’ sounds like nothing. call it what it is: heal your vagina bath. if someone had told us ‘your vagina is broken, please sit in this,’ we would have done it every single time. we would have paid anything for that.

nobody told us the six week checkup was going to be a phone call.

both of us got our six week clearance over the phone during covid. are you still bleeding? no. okay you’re good. that was it. jessie literally checked herself with a mirror because nobody else was going to. amanda did the same thing with her second.

you pushed a whole human out of your body. you may have stitches. and the system is like ‘phone call, seems fine, talk to us if you have questions.’ if you had surgery and they stitched you up, you would have a post-op appointment. you would have someone check the stitches. labor is surgery. act like it.

advocate for yourself. ask to come in. don’t accept a phone call if you’re not sure you’re healing properly. you have to push for it because they are not going to push for you.

nobody told us it takes two years.

two full years. not six weeks. not three months. two years for your hormones to fully stabilize, for your body to feel like yours again, for the weight to actually move, for you to feel like yourself.

here’s the actual biology that nobody explains: while you’re breastfeeding, your body is holding onto fat on purpose. there’s a famine logic built into your hormones, like if there’s no food, you need to keep making milk, so your body conserves everything. that’s why you can eat clean and work out and walk every day and not lose a single pound. you’re not doing anything wrong. your body is doing exactly what it’s designed to do.

the second you stop breastfeeding, you lose a layer. the second your period comes back, you lose another layer. your body is slowly signaling that it’s not in baby making mode anymore and every time it gets that signal, things start to shift.

jessie was the fittest she’d ever been right before she found out she was pregnant with her second. two years. that’s what it took. and the whole time she was strength training and eating well and walking and it felt like nothing was happening. and then it happened.

amanda is 13 weeks postpartum. she has a long way to go and she knows it. and that’s okay.

this photo Jessie is 2 and a half years postpartum.

nobody told us about the boobs.

the vagina heals. the boobs are a different story.

josh (jessie’s husband) once looked at amanda in a white tank top with no bra at home and said ‘your boobs look just like jessie’s - saggy’. it was a double insult. but it was also so completely accurate. and adam tells amanda she has great looking tits and she now knows he is just a supportive husband lol.

we had a friend, literal D cups before kids. gone. smaller than jessie’s now. gone. it happens to almost everyone and almost nobody warns you. buy new bras. accept it. move on. the vagina is fine. it’s the boobs we keep coming back to.

nobody told us what postpartum would do to our marriage.

after baby one, there’s a honeymoon period. you fall in love again seeing your partner as a parent. you’re in this little bubble. it’s kind of beautiful actually.

after baby two? that’s where it gets real.

there was a three month period after jessie’s second where the word divorce was being thrown around on a weekly basis. not seriously. but also kind of seriously. you’re both tired, you’re both running on empty, you’re being pulled in a million directions, and the one thing that used to help you reconnect isn’t really available right now. and you’re both annoyed at each other and nobody’s saying it out loud.

here’s the thing we want every couple in that phase to hear: if you can keep your sex life alive, even a little, even badly, do it. because the moment you let that go completely you start sliding into roommate territory and that’s when things get genuinely hard to come back from. it doesn’t have to be perfect. it doesn’t have to be often. it just has to not be never.

and baby steps. not a fancy trip. not a big gesture. order sushi. put the kids to bed. sit on the couch together. that’s it. that’s enough for now.

nobody told us each postpartum is completely different.

five between us. not one of them was the same.

jessie didn’t have postpartum depression with her first. she had it with her second. amanda had two kids 17 months apart, january baby, hormones that never stabilized from the first pregnancy. it was a mix of mom guilt and exhaustion and identity loss and it was real and it hit hard.

amanda had the NICU with her first. that was her postpartum. in and out of the hospital, not healing properly, not doing the sitz bath, running on fear and adrenaline instead of rest.

with your second you think you know what’s coming. you don’t. with your third you think you’ve got this. you don’t. every baby is different, every recovery is different, every version of you going through it is different.

if you have postpartum depression or anxiety, go get help. meds plus therapy plus community. not just one. not just meds. all of it. and don’t be ashamed. so many of us have been there and the ones who get help come out the other side.

and if you just feel like you’re in groundhog day and nothing is moving and you’re stuck: get out of your house. strap the baby on. get in the stroller. go to the grocery store. go get your nails done. bring the baby. you cannot sit inside and wait for it to get better. you have to move through it.

🛍️ btw, we tried it

okay since we just spent this entire post talking about the sitz bath, we figured we owed you the actual link.

we have been recommending this thing for years and we will never stop. the sitz bath is the single most important postpartum recovery tool that nobody tells you about. you fill it with warm water, you sit in it, you do it every single day, and your body actually heals. costs almost nothing and makes a massive difference.

if you’re pregnant right now or you have a friend who is about to give birth, send her this link. not cute baby clothes. not a fancy gift. this. get the sitz bath. do it every single day. your vagina will actually thank you. link: shop the sitz bath here

💬 send this to a new mom right now

okay we don’t have a group chat prompt this week. instead we have a different ask.

think of one person in your life who just had a baby or is about to. send them this post. not with a ‘lol’ or a ‘this is so true.’ just send it. no explanation needed. they’ll know why you sent it.

the thing that helped us most wasn’t google or our doctors. it was each other. it was having someone text us the thing before we needed it. be that person for someone today.

📊 the poll

Things We Think But Don’t Often Say Out Loud

okay the one that hit hardest writing this was honestly the two year timeline because we feel like nobody says this out loud and then moms are sitting there at six months postpartum thinking something is wrong with them when their body hasn’t bounced back and it’s like no. two years. give yourself two years. amanda is 13 weeks in and she has a long road ahead and she knows it and she’s okay with it and we want every postpartum mom reading this to be okay with it too. drop your poll answer in the comments and if this post made even one thing feel less scary please send it to a mom friend who needs it. okay we love you. have a great weekend and we will see back here on tuesday.

xo, amanda and jessie