January 29th, 2025

Samuel Pepys (/piːps/; 23 February 1633—26 May 1703) was an English writer and Tory politician. He served as an official in the Navy Board and Member of Parliament, but is most remembered today for the diary he kept for almost a decade.¹

Said diary is freely available at Project Gutenberg.²

Saw a young woman today wearing a proper N95¹ mask outside on the pavement. Fell in love instantly. Seeing reason still at work, in as few people as it may be, is always a great relief. In stark contrast, the German neoliberal party FDP²’s Federal Chairman has said today that the country should try a little more Musk and Milei³, in other words, follow in the footsteps of the U. S. of America’s (and several other countries’) dismissal of democracy. The party is currently almost neglectably small, but the message will reach—and ring familiar to—a lot of misguided people. Another disturbing thought arose today: phones are no longer used for phone calls. Fewer and fewer people make calls on their phones, they rather text, or leave WhatsApp messages⁴. On a more positive note, felt gratitude again for the flat I live in. It’s a room of roughly 21 square metres with an additional balcony of 6 square metres facing a small and mostly quiet street, with a very small kitchen and an equally small bath, yet entirely sufficient for my needs. Its location close to a river and in walking distance to all shopping facilities I might ever need adds to its value.

Listened to John Coltrane¹ again, and Oscar Peterson². Eternal; the beauty humans are capable of creating. Yet, the chaos, too. What a confusing and contradictory species. It’s been a grey, chill, and bleak day but without much rain fortunately: I had to go to the market where I’d wear my mask which doesn’t work when wet. Media again report today that economic growth is expected to decrease, as if that was bad news. Continued growth is not sustainable in a closed system—as indicated e. g. by physics³ and reported more than 50 years ago⁴. And apropos energy: large technology corporations like Amazon, Google, Microsoft, and Meta are planning to bring back nuclear power plants to feed the obscene electricity needs of ‘A.I.’⁵ Speaking of bleak. Perversely rich white men are deadly determined to burn down and poison this beautiful planet. In other news, Health officials investigate mystery disease in southwest Congo after 143 deaths in just two weeks⁶. Symptoms of the flu-like disease include fever, headache, cough and anaemia. Today’s gratitude: for the time being I have sufficient means to keep a roof over my head, the heater running, and put good food on the table.

Received a postcard from my good friend A. She visited Guggenheim Bilbao¹. What an astounding building! And she sent me a Basque word that describes quite well a weather condition typical for the place where I am currently living: Xirimiri, a very light rain or drizzle². Today has been dry and cold, with some sunny stretches even; only in the late afternoon Xirimiri returned. Reading ‘Amusing Ourselves to Death’³ by Neil Postman again. Published in 1985, it’s a good book to get a better idea why people’s behaviour is so difficult to understand: entertainment has corrupted their brain functions. Or, as Anna Lembke puts it, they’re addicts⁴. Today’s gratitude is twofold: having friends who still send hand-written letters and cards, and having available a bathtub which I will soon attend to conclude the day.

Having been a constant warner about the lurking dangers of repeat COVID-19 infections, it saddens me to see how even good friends now bear the consequences of their ignoring the evidence. Another dear friend now suffers from frequent, inexplicably long, and exhausting bouts of ‘the cold,’ close to a ‘bad case of influenza’ in severity. Was made aware of an article about actor Matt McGorry who says, Long Covid has dramatically changed my life.¹ Today’s gratitude: not having been sick at all in almost five years, thanks to unwavering mask-wearing practice.

Dark, grey day with much more than just Xirimiri. Stayed inside, grocery shopping will have to wait. Good opportunity to record some percussion on top of my friend B.’s band recordings.

Slept in. Very reluctant to bring myself to work, yet needed to get at least some chores done today. Glad I didn’t have to go out, due to humidity and wind it’s bone-chilling. And it’s the season of short days, too; have to switch on lights and close curtains around 16:30 now. Syria’s rebel alliance freed the country of its dictator Baschar al-Assad; most celebrate, but some ask if what comes next will be much better¹. Today’s gratitude: not having to buy wildly overpriced chocolate².

Was reminded of Umberto Eco’s list of the 14 common features of fascism¹ from his essay ‘Ur-Fascism’². He wrote, […] it is enough that one of them be present to allow fascism to coag­u­late around it. Picked № 5, fear of difference: The first appeal of a fascist or prematurely fascist movement is an appeal against the intruders. Thus Ur-Fascism is racist by definition. In conclusion, the U. S. A., large parts of Europe, and many other countries are already fascist or prone to fascism.

Listened to one of my all-time favourite recordings again, Dorothy Ashby¹’s interpretation of ‘The Windmills of Your Mind’². Never fails to ignite my heart. Had two difficult episodes work-wise; seems more & more urgent to find new means to support myself. Felt great melancholy and a sense of saudade³.

In a mere three weeks’ time a new year will begin. Usually not the type to look back, but have to say, this year was, in many aspects, one of the worst I remember. Amidst dramatic extreme weather events, virtually nobody cares about climate catastrophe anymore. The powers that be successfully criminalised climate protesters¹ while at the same time undermining any efforts to inform the public of the dire situation and the urgent need for fundamental changes. Amidst record-high numbers of employees sick, companies hire private investigators to surveil their staff on sick leave² instead of bringing back mask mandates and other non-medical interventions like HEPA air filtering. Amidst a global resurgence of far-right, fascist ideology, democratic parties and actors engage in disputes over myriads of small issues³ instead of standing united against the very real threat to democracy. And on top of all that, most everyone I know is feeling constantly overwhelmed and exhausted. So far, prospects for 2025 are looking grim. Yet still, today’s gratitude: Scottish politician Monica Len­non’s proposed Ecocide Prevention Bill might be enacted next year.⁴

Will have to find ways to spend my winters differently again. Three or four consecutive weeks of cold, grey sky, Xirimiri or outright rain, oftentimes wind, too; mind, marrow, and motivation suffer utterly. Need sun and temperatures above 23°C to function properly.

Friday the Thirteenth; pretty sure something terrible has happened already or is going to happen; because somewhere something terrible always happens, every day. Several governments issued reminders to stock up non-perishables, water, and be prepared in case of emergency, e. g. power outage. Couldn’t bear a day without electricity. Every aspect of my life is dependent on it. Will need to research solar panels. Learned a new German word today: Dunkelflaute [ˈdʊŋklflautə], which translates to ‘dark calm,’ a period when neither solar, nor wind power are available¹. Watched ‘Scream’ V² & VI³. Great cast, not so sure about the script⁴. Today’s gratitude: fighting off winter doldrums with skordalia⁵ is working. For a little while at least.

Read today that the Arctic tundra has shifted from storing CO₂ to emitting it¹, because of global warming of course. And that’s no contradiction whatsoever to the fact that I had to stay inside today because it was too cold. Things are complex. People don’t like complex, but things don’t care what people like or don’t.

Had another encounter with ghosts. Usually what happens is that people don’t reply to e-mails, texts, or calls, and so frequently so that there’s a word for it, ghosting. Learned today that there’s professional ghosting also: companies put out offers for jobs that don’t exist. More than one third of all job adverts are fake¹. One of the reasons recruiters do this is to make it appear the company is open to external talent. Another, to act like the company is growing. Very befitting a cold, grey, rainy, exhausting day like this to learn why so many of my applications in the past had not been answered at all. Today’s gratitude: without salad, life would be so much less enjoyable.

Rewatching ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’¹. In the 8th episode of the 1st season, a prophetic dialogue occurs when Computer Science teacher Jenny Calendar says, We’re building a new society here, whereupon Rupert Giles, Buffy’s watcher, replies, A society in which human interaction is all but obsolete? In which people can be completely manipulated by technology? Well, well—thank you, I’ll pass. This was the year 1997 and it very much desribes where humankind is today.

Today, words fail me.

Not to sound like a broken record, but it’s still cold, dark, grey, bleak, and exhausting outside; with few dry hours between Xirimiri or rain. What’s missing is snow, not just for its brightening effect but because it’s one important element of replenishing ground water reservoirs¹. Had to go grocery hunting despite a continuous case of Xirimiri, which meant protecting the masks with an umbrella from getting wet which, due to wind, meant fighting the elements all the way to and fro. Did anyone else wear masks? Of course not. Not a single person. But cough they did. Is there a vacancy in EUR^eKA² currently, by any chance?

Been working the entire day, except for a siesta break. Predominantly on things like this:

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Will continue deep into the night.

First day of proper sunlight in what feels like months, but only before noon. Find myself actively avoiding any political topics lately¹. Not good for mental and, in consequence, physical health. Come January and February will bring countless causes for blood pressure to rise sky-high, until then will try not to worry. Christmas creeps closer; relevant in this home only insofar as it’s an annoyance to circumnavigate hordes of rampant savages hunting last-minute presents. Today’s gratitude: as an atheist not having to celebrate the birth of a religious prophet (who was actually born at an entirely different time, anyway). Will enjoy the quiet enormously.

A tiny bit of sun in the early afternoon. Went to get a few things I’ll need over the next few days (another annoyance of Christmas holidays, closely related to the aforementioned hordes of rampant savages: shops are closed for extended periods of time; I do think people, like shop assistants and all other employees, are owed more leisure time—but not on certain arbitrary occasions but all year round¹).

Found this Baldwin¹ quote again today, I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.² Baldwin wrote this in 1955, but it couldn’t ring truer still today. Seems to me that many transform their inner insecurities, fears, demons, shattered dreams, and lost hopes to outward rage against others, ‘strangers,’ or ‘foreigners.’ On this Earth, however, nobody is a stranger. Differences between people, determined by country borders, colours, capabilities, or cultures, are mere class propaganda to prevent the majority from solidarising. Today’s gratitude: streaks of sunlight; and being able to be grateful for the little things (which in fact are the biggest things), like a small but steady income, accommodation, friendship, and love. Need no grand adventures or skyrocketing superlatives.

Busy day.

Been thinking that I don’t like Christmas much, and why. Mostly that is, I suppose, because of all the suffering Christians have caused and keep causing. While the crusades are over, the dogmatic missionary mindset is very much alive to this day. (Which, of course, is true for most religions.) Asking myself, do numerologists have a field day today, on 24.12.24?

Slept 10½ hours last night; Christmas present to myself. Didn’t do anything productive the entire day, welcomed the lack of any responsibility. Today’s gratitude: didn’t have to go out. Wouldn’t have been enjoyable what with Xirimiri, grey sky, and cold.

Slept in again. Again did nothing noteworthy. Sleeping, eating, and relaxing, I am living the life of a cat. Wise creatures.

So, this is, once more, behind us. Praise be. A certain carpenter from way back when has had his annual two days of fame, now we can go back to our actual religion, the worship of Mammon. Praise be. Yet, the state of New York seems to be on track to charge fossil fuel companies $75 billion over the course of 24 years¹; the money would go toward resiliency projects, such as coastal protection and flood mitigation. We’ll see how—and if, at all—this attempt will hold up against the coming² president of the U. S. of America.

Watched a documentary about young Japanese people and their apparent lack of interest in sex and relationships, but what really stuck with me was: all those mask-wearers. Would very much appreciate seeing them in Europe, the U. S. of A., and other Western-influenced countries, too. Not even in doctors’ surgeries and hospitals masks are mandatory anymore. Meanwhile, patients keep dying of hospital-acquired illnesses, including pneumonia¹ and other airborne infections.

Asking myself, am I misanthropic for merely stating the fact that most people are neither willing, nor able, to act democratically? Thinking about ego¹ a lot these days, or rather, self-centredness², which makes us reach for a piece of cake before anyone can get it, cling stubbornly onto our opinions, and get trapped in feelings of guilt, as Thubten Chodron³ puts it. Hence, diagnosing people as self-centred is not misanthropic, just realistic. To survive and thrive, democracy needs people willing to equitably share the cake, and able to change their opinions (in an informed and fact-based decision, of course, not on the whims of populist propaganda).

The penultimate day of the year presented itself not much different from almost all of November and December; cold, wet, and grey. Spoke with my friend C. today who insited that, politically, we’re all but doomed. Those in charge, whom we elected to act on our behalf, act blatantly against our needs instead. Had not much to say to counter this observation.

If years could speak, I wonder, what would be the last words of this one? Sorry, I didn’t mean to? Or would it say, I told you so? Or even, Mission accomplished?

In the year 153 B.C.E.¹, Roman consuls made January 1 the first day of the office year, in 45 B.C.E. the Julian calender takes effect as the civil calendar of the Roman Republic, establishing January 1 as the new date of the new year.² Over the centuries, many countries followed suit. (Thais celebrate 1 January, but also the Chinese New Year between 21 January and 20 February³, and Songkran on 13 April⁴.) So, with nothing having actually changed, everything is different. Here’s to hope that 2025 will surprise, because at the moment it looks rather grim. The U. S. of America will very soon be led by a brutal narcissist and a group of his devout and equally disturbed followers; among them, the second-richest men on this planet⁵ whose perception of commoners is akin to that of ants. Not much later, in February, Germany will elect a new government; one does not have to be a gloomy pessimist to assume a terrifying outcome of this election, seeing as almost one fifth of the German populace seem to be willing to end democracy with their vote for the fascist party. Almost one third of them want to vote for the conservatives who’ve adopted far-right talking points quite a while ago⁶. Other European countries will have elections, too, that might result in more populism and far-right ideology, even in Scandinavia⁷.

Once more some blue sky and sunshine, though unlike on Dec. 20th, not just ’til noon but well into the afternoon. (Now it’s raining yet again.) Slowly getting back into labour routine. Could do with a few work-free months, but my bank account says otherwise. Found an article¹ that explains well the grounds for my refusal to accept hierarchies; and another one² that goes into detail about how and why the modern world feels this weird to me. Late at night it started snowing.

Snowfall for the entire day; living in the city, this means a brief moment of beauty followed by grey, slushy, muddy streets. Today’s gratitude: being able to stay indoors once again.

Been thinking today that there’s nothing civilised about civilisation. People are pressured into predefined behavioural patterns, into acceptance of common beliefs—however wrong they may be (COVID is over)—, into adopting hierarchies, into succumbing to the new feudal class of obscenely rich tech overlords. Read an intriguing article on the matter again¹. We modern citizens are living wrong lives, and as Adorno said in 1952, Wrong life cannot be lived rightly.² Far too many seem to believe that the most important part of democracy is that the majority rules. While that is not at all true, anyway, its most important part is rather the protection of minority rights³. Today’s gratitude: having been able to live on the fringes of society so far.

Been working the entire day.

Still to this day keep wondering why humans were not granted the gift of hibernation. Could sleep all day, there’s nothing worth visiting out there, and I don’t seem to be the only one; few people return my mail and calls.

Stormy times; enjoyed watching clouds hastily passing by on a dark-blue sky yesternight. Remembering night walks and moongazing of my youth. Found comfort in the thought that it is impossible to waste¹ one’s life², whether or not one takes initiative. Whether or not I make things happen, things will happen anyway. Life is happening anyway. The entire idea of a purpose is the inherent capitalist mindset talking; there is nothing wrong with me doing nothing at all. Most problems are caused by people trying to force things into happening. Alas, they’re celebrated and worshipped as the successful ones.

Lots of work done, lots of groceries carried home, lots of words spoken on the phone. Cold, but sunlight most of the day.

Grey, rainy day. Been thinking how humans are quick to criticise others yet equally quick to find excuses for their own behaviour. Funny how surveys usually find people claiming they themselves would of course behave well but, alas, the others won’t; much like a built-in whataboutism¹. Someone explain this species to me, please. Today’s gratitude: being well and thriving all by myself, and in consequence not needing to succumb to popular beliefs and behaviours.

Watching EUR^eKA¹ currently and wondering, how can people who slipped into another dimension, who are dead/ghosts, or non-physical for any number of reasons, who can cross through fences, prison bars, walls, and move through other people—how can they use stairs, lifts, and escalators; how don’t they just fall through any surface and deep into Earth’s core? And if they’re weightless, why don’t they float? Why do their feet constantly touch the ground? Today’s gratitude: being able to remain in this dimension.

My longtime friend J. J. came visiting. Coffee and cigarettes¹ on the balcony, catching up indoors with masks. I’m glad my close circle continues to respect my wish for protection. (I’d be gladder still if they understood why I continue wearing masks and avoiding crowds; I wrote about that in early December.)

Perception of time certainly has changed since early 2020. (Five years ago, when the COVID-19 pandemic began taking hold¹.) Two days have passed, yet nothing worth remembering happened. Got some work done, had some chit-chat over the phone, went back to watching ‘Buffy’² which is quite fun.

Weren’t TFG¹ also TNG², he’d most certainly go to prison³. He only does not go to prison because 72 million Americans (out of roughly 244 million eligible voters, or little more than one quarter) decided to vote a convicted felon into office. Because, convicted he was⁴, even before this new verdict. Quite fittingly, after two days of uplifting sunshine, today returned to bleak grey, freezing humidity; later a stretch of Xirimiri. Today’s gratitude: or rather, the lack thereof.

Being insignificant can, at times, be liberating in allowing you to simply vanish if you don’t wish to be bothered. At other times, however, it can be frustrating, demotivating, and sad. Because no one bothers.

Being deeply annoyed by most everything and everyone. Not helping: cold, utterly moist fog.

Still struggling with the cold and the dark. Procrastinating, which of course makes matters worse. New circumstances appear to be in order.

Very cold, but finally blue sky again; thoroughly improved mood included. Not going for a walk, however; things to do, and the whole town is out for a Sunday stroll. Finished a big chunk of work later today to my satisfaction.

Grey day yet again; light grey, but grey nonetheless, and foggy in the evening. Spent most of the day waiting; for people calling back and replying to e-mails. Which they didn’t. Only got a fracture of the work done that I planned to complete today. Matched the mood with having frozen pizza for supper.

Desperately wondering, how can I possibly convince myself that things might turn out better than I fear they will? Yet gratitude, still: Tara, Willow’s girlfriend, saying, ‘I go online sometimes, but everyone’s spelling is really bad, it’s depressing.’ That it is, Tara, that it is.

In a blink of an eye, a full week passed by. Including:

• a very welcome visit from my dear friend L. who came over from Spain,
• a sizeable amount of work done,
• lots of rest, relaxation, and hibernation,
• too much worrying about the current state of the world,
• an attempt at finishing watching the new Francis Ford Coppola film, so far unsuccessful¹.

Today’s gratitude: simple food is always the best food. Cook equal parts² lentils³ and rice, add a handful sprouts (chickpeas, green peas, mung beans) and 1—2 tablespoons sesame oil (or olive). Delicious, and healthy.

Should a fairy visit me today and grant me one wish, and one wish only, it would certainly be, When my time has come, let me simply go to sleep at night and never wake up again. This is not a morbid sentiment, too; I am aware that I will have to die like anyone else before and after me, and I wish to live my life in keen awareness and my passing to be a natural surrender, not years of clinging to existence in numb, foggy agony.

Have to admit that the tides of events and actions outside the little safe haven of my flat are paralysing me. Don’t seem to find the energy to even write. Nothing much happened on a personal level for the past week, but democracy keeps being shot at and deeply hurt. Is my hope dying stillborn?¹

Weren’t it this cold, I could’ve almost enjoyed the day with its blue sky, relaxed mood, and the moon already coming out in the afternoon. Even managed to stay out of global politics for the most part. Working on some more percussion tracks for my friend B.’s band recordings also helped. Later on it was day job again, which turned night job quickly. Should probably sleep earlier.

Three days in a row with bright blue sky almost managed to wake me up from my hiatus. The cold sent me back to a horizontal position. Does acknowledging in how deep of a shit the world is currently qualify as depression? I don’t think so.

The sun keeps showing up, the sky remains blue, and I’ve had some inspiring communication with kind people. Got reminded that we—as in, humankind—find ourselves amidst a huge transformation. Stumbling, struggling, and even pushbacks are to be expected. But in the long run, empathy will endure. It has been one key element of humanity’s evolution¹, after all.

Living in Germany currently, I can’t not take interest in today’s election’s outcome. Trumpification is well possible since the most likely candidate for the position as chancellor has spent the past few weeks of his campaign spitting against not only ‘foreigners’ and ‘illegal immigrants’, but also against the democratic protests that have seen many tens of thousands take to the street to try and fight for democracy. But there are other options not to be dismissed just yet. Hope springs eternal.

Fear is not real, says Will Smith as Cypher Raige in the 2013 M. Night Shyamalan film ‘After Earth’¹. He then continues, The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity Kitai². Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice. While the film has been deemed propaganda for Scientology, in part due to (apparently falsly³) alleged ties between Will Smith and Scientology, the essence resonates with me. I wish I could somehow send it to every person on the planet who is eligible to vote, because lately, far too many elections have been rigged by far-right powers who always use fear as the key ingredient to their propaganda. And fear, as neurosciences teach us, makes humans stupider⁴. Also learned today that Michelle Trachtenberg⁵ has died at 39. Very sad.

Don’t cope well with the wild state the world is in. Will not allow myself to go mute, but I need more time being detached from the outside world than ever before. Today’s gratitude: worked on an old song from way back when I went by the moniker Zhouy. Will release it soon.

Called my good friend N. who is knocked off his feet by ‘the flu’¹ for more than three weeks already. Didn’t want to sound condescending, hence didn’t say out loud what I was thinking, A mask a day keeps the virus away. Today’s gratitude: spring has come early this year. Lots of blue up there, some fresh green down here, crocus and snowdrop blossoms here and there.

Spring is gone, though Summer has yet to arrive. Today’s gratitude: my dear friend C. called to check on me because I didn’t reply to an e-mail. Good to know that I won’t be forgotten that easily.

Should anyone ever read this diary in distant future times, I will now once, and never again, apologise for the constant mention of the weather. My mood and state of mind are determined to a significant degree by the presence or absence of blue skies. Today it’s been presence in the a.m., and absence from noon onward. Much prefering the other way around, I’ll be okay still: lots of work to finish, allowing me to ignore the outside world to a great extent.

Did a remix of a track from my friend B.’s new project. Very satisfying work which he liked a lot. That is also today’s gratitude; making music can save souls as much as listening to it.

Had some touching and uplifting encounters with kind people during the past week. Other than that, what happens outside the shelter that is my little flat is going in all kinds of wild and scary directions. Good news are few and far between, and hard to find. Despite all that, I’m working on a new song that keeps surprising me. Today’s gratitude: creativity can’t be muted or stopped by anything at all. In the end, it will find its way.

Wanted to tend the greenery on my balcony after several days of sun. But today it’s raining. Will have to clean the flat instead. Not looking forward to that. Today’s gratitude: new song continues to thrive and prosper. Will invite my good friend B. for a guitar solo. Now, that I am looking forward to.

Have to admit to myself that I am not particularly good at maintaining a diary. Almost all of April has passed without me writing a single word. Had a proper revelation at some point over these past four weeks: the less I tend to my musical work, the worse I feel. Hence took a time off my day jobs and worked on a new song, remastered an old one (both of which will be released in due time, but somewhat soon), and set up new publishing accounts with Mirlo¹ and Bandwagon². Had lots of fruitful conversations with old and new musician friends over on Mastodon³.

First time in a long time today, and one of very few occurences anyhow, that someone behaved aggressively towards me simply for wearing a mask at the shop. If that’s the freedom they mean, I don’t want it, thank you very much. Go ahead and get sick as much as you want, but let me protect my health, please.

Been thinking, does it constitute cognitive dissonance that most people crave to be part of the herd¹ and be uniquely individual² at the same time?

Some days almost warm¹ recently; but evenings still feel quite like the late autumn ones.

One of the funniest things these days: people who are ill for weeks, bed-bound with fever, exhaustion, brain fog, but insist, ‘It’s not COVID!’ Asked, ‘Did you test¹?’ they usually say, ‘No, but it’s not COVID.’

What in the dark ages of the internet were unsolicited e-mails with ‘funny’ video attachments (which back then took ten and more minutes to download and weren’t funny in the slightest), are nowadays links to ‘funny,’ ‘amazing’ ‘AI’-generated content (which destroys the environment and human brains and is not funny or amazing in the slightest). I am now on a path to becoming a luddite ^{1, 2}.

Just remembered that in Wolof, according to Wikipedia¹ the most widely spoken language in Senegal and also common in Gambia and Mauritania, the words Nanga def mean How are you and will often be replied to with Maangi fi (rek), which means I’m fine but has the literal meaning I am (just) here.² I still think this is one of the most beautiful ways of thinking about one’s current state.

Kept thinking, My life hasn’t been nice in quite a while, but recently, I’ve come to strike My. Life for the overwhelming part of humanity hasn’t been nice in a while and keeps getting worse. My personal life has last been nice when I spent the winters in Thailand where many, if not most people aren’t eager amassing more and more possessions, but are (or at least, seem to be) content with what they have.¹ And it was nice in 2020, when the pandemic forced people to consume less, stay at home, and slow down. Consumerism is the new religion, the new opium of the people² that was invented for the sole purposes of empowering those already in power by increasing their riches to a perverse degree and distracting the 99%³ from the fascist coup of another Machtergreifung⁴. Techno-Feudalism⁵ is not approaching, it is already upon us.

Psychologists and psychiatrists would call what I feel a depression and prescribe medication, meditation, and probably quite a list of activities. But the fact that all my coworkers, friends, and family are relying heavily on software made by filthy rich narcissists to spread fascist ideology globally and put fascists in positions of power—that fact can’t be treated with medication, meditation, and whatever activities. It could be treated with solidarity and a common move to open platforms. But that won’t happen, because—inconvenience. How not to feel deeply sad about that?

Been thinking that the fact that I am still COVID-cautious, wearing a proper mask whenever outside my flat and with other people, makes me a weirdo in the eyes of nearly everyone. Does that make me sad? Yes. Will I change my behaviour? No.

Finally! Sun, 24°C indoors, seems like summer has arrived. Hope it’ll stay for a little while. Re: the past twelve days, except for ‘making a living’ and binge-watching several series in parallel, nothing much happened. Too little energy, too much work. Some of which at least is fun. Have a song waiting to be finalised that hence can’t take priority, though, which is sad.

Another fortnight has passed without me writing anything. Reason mainly remains the same, too little energy. The world is spinning downward a strong maelstrom of ignorance, propaganda, exploitation, oppression, and laziness on the part of those who actually could change things for the better, namely inhabitants of the colonialist countries of Europe and the US. All markers for looming poly-catastrophes go up, not linearly, but exponentially. Humankind is in the midst of a total collapse; it is now merely a question of which catastrophe will occur first, the economical/political one, the one of global warfare, or the climate driven one that will lead to billions of refugees, food and water scarcity, drowning, and heat-related deaths possibly in the millions. Meanwhile, ‘AI’ generates unprecedented power demands while leading to large-scale lay-offs, politicians around the globe keep dismissing evidence, rather going with their ‘gut feeling,’ and people buy more SUVs than ever, keep using tech from fascist companies, and go all NIMBY¹ when it comes to renewable energies. Today’s gratitude: none in sight.