Why Is Being Alone Like Being an Extraterrestrial Before Finding a Relationship?

There are many things in our society that cause enormous damage to the sovereignty of the individual. We can discuss the food toxicity, the emotional barrage of fear programming, religious control, and other structures, but one that we do have control of is often overlooked, when it is likely, in my observation, the most destructive tool used against the sovereignty of the individual.

Our society glorifies marriage. It promotes the fallacy that something is wrong with an individual if they aren’t married at a young age with children and maintaining that marriage far into the future.

If you’re single, it bombards people with the shame of not dating, not having children, not having created a family. Everything is pushed in a way to force people into a relationship.

Yet, that is the last thing we want to do.

Especially, and I cannot stress this enough, if a person just left a relationship.

We need time to heal our wounds, time to acknowledge and understand them, which leads into a more authentic experience.

What I see, over and over, are people having a spiritual awakening who enter relationships very shortly after leaving one, often not being done with the old relationship in a way that allows them to heal.

They enter so quickly they don’t ever find themselves.

Old patterns take over. New people with similar toxic traits unaligned to our experience appear, often in ways where we cannot see or understand the misalignment quickly.

Society pushes us to date, marry, and create a family. I felt the pressure as a kid in college. I would say that there was even more pressure closer to my 40s after I left my ex.

Having left the relationship, society sees it as a failure. I’m not going to get into the details here, as this post is not meant for those experiences. You can read more about my journey in The Authentic Extraterrestrial.

There is immense pressure around having failed and the need to find a partner. Mothers and fathers look for replacements. Those of us without kids are continuously asked why and when we will create that package.

The pressure mounts. People crumble. Many hop on dating apps. Others start asking people out in random situations…

Not realizing…

My observation with this experience, and what extraterrestrials have said, which we’ll get to, is that most people need a few years to deprogram everything they’ve been told.

We need years to deprogram the old way of life when we’ve been bound to relationships controlling our authenticity for years. We need years to deprogram the religious, societal, family, and other expectations that have been taught to us from childhood. We need years to understand, see, and know who we really are and to be able to create that new version of ourselves that is in our highest, most authentic interests. We need years to build the boundaries, the new life, the authentic us, brick by brick.

If and when we jump into a new relationship, we are doing a disservice to the journey of authenticity when we haven’t built our new house to hold our energy without it falling down on top of us.

For me, it’s been five years. I left an 11 year relationship that was constantly holding me back out of fear. That led me to living on my own with all the pressures of dating and finding a partner. My parents tried to set me up with people, which never worked because it never would with the energetics of those they surround themselves with. I tried to find people, only finding copies of my old relationships that were different yet the same, testing my will to be myself, the version I wanted to experience of being free to be me.

Several potential relationships appeared. I took the bait. I was hooked, tested on the line, and ultimately pulled out a knife, cut the line, and walked away when I realized it was leading down the same path.

Many of those I attracted were deeply unhealed, as I was still doing my healing. When I set the boundaries of my authentic experience, the red flags of control, deception, the whittling away of the self chip by chip began to present.

Those tests were people I would have fallen for in the past. Some of them were very aligned to my journey, yet deeply unhealed in their own lives. I had to pass the test of choosing myself.

The more I chose myself, the more I realized I couldn’t date. I needed to not only choose myself, I needed to build and be in the space of existence I wanted, not what others wanted.

When I say that, I crave partnership on a cellular level. My body is in deep deprivation of healthy human contact that comes from partnership. If you’re aware of love languages, physical touch and quality time would be the two most important right now because I have lived a life without either in childhood or adulthood. There were moments, but not healthy, consistent, positive experiences. Now I live an experience, authentic to me, yet one that creates distance from humanity where I go many months, often four plus, without ever receiving any human contact aside from a barista handing me a drink or a wait staff bringing me a meal.

Here’s what it taught me.

I’m choosing to build myself, my energy, my authentic lifestyle no matter what anyone else thinks, believes, or feels I should do. Every time I’ve chosen that, my life has been magical.

When I bring people into my experience, it’s often magical… at first.

The problem with being authentic is that our frequency is soooo high that it creates an altered state of consciousness in others who are living inauthentic lives. We can tell they are unhealed and have work to do. It can, however, take time to reveal how deeply that is. The person in our field needs to go back into their reality to show us the truth.

While we have some of the most magical times in the presence of our experiences, when the person leaves our field, the truth reveals through the distance of their reality. We begin to see and feel the lack of resonance as they shift back down into their denser experience.

This doesn’t mean they are bad people.

In one instance, and my last, I had an amazing connection that was extremely aligned and magical. Then…

They went back to their reality. The vibration spoke and revealed everything. In that reality, it wasn’t magical. There was polarity. A push. A force that meant things were no longer aligned. In particular, a lot of inauthenticity and dishonesty once that person left the field.

I’ll never forget, as I had been told many times but never put the pieces together, them saying something like, “I felt so lively, free, seen, beautiful around you. So energetic.”

It finally clicked after years of hearing similar from others.

They lift into our experience which makes us seem aligned and magical. The more we spend time with them the more it continues because they are in our field, forced to match our experience… until they leave.

Then polarity begins. Frequency mismatch occurs. We start to see the truth of their inauthentic lifestyles.

Unfortunately, this is most of the dating pool. People dating are typically not in authentic spaces of experience and energy. They aren’t focused on themselves and building their own house.

Frequency requires nothing but frequency to magnetize and create that experience, meaning dating is force, not flow.

Authentic frequency magnetizes authentic people to your reality. It magnetizes those more aligned to your experience. Going out to find a partner is force. Building our reality and allowing for the partner to show up is flow.

We end up magnetizing relationships meant for us in a frequency aligned experience. That said, not everyone is meant to date. Some of those people end up becoming friendships instead of romantic partners. Not everyone who is a close frequency match is healed enough to be in a romantic relationship—that applies to us as well.

The more I understood frequency, my own authenticity, and the alignment I wanted in a partnership, the more I understood…

Whether you’re the more or less authentic person, we cannot know our authenticity when we are swamped in the energy of another—good or bad. We must be alone in our experience to really hone in on who we are, what we want, and who we want to join us.

I have spent a ton of time digging into who I am. My boundaries are hardcore.

A friend once asked me, “Why don’t you loosen your expectations if you want a partner? It would be easier.”

Sure. I can easily find someone. I know that for certain.

It was a few months later when they came back to say, “Oh, I get it now. You fought to be yourself since you were a child. You can’t sacrifice that for anyone.”

Exactly.

I now know who I am, what I want, and what I want in a partner.

My boundaries… hardcore.

I’m going to say, “No,” not out of control, out of love for myself if I don’t agree or wish to be involved in an experience. I’m going to hold a partner accountable to the same things I hold myself accountable to—being authentic, which means truth, love, healing, growth, expansion, and more, all the difficult stuff most people don’t want to face.

Being a partner with me or someone in a frequency like me is not for the weak. It’s a challenge. We are going to hold our partners accountable for our authenticity and their authenticity. We are going to hold them accountable to their expansion, to their healing, to their continued growth on the journey. We expect ourselves to be authentic, so we hold them to the same experiences.

We expect them to do the same for us too.

To some degree, that may sound harsh. It’s not harsh. We just expect certain things because we are frequency beings creating based on our frequency. The harshness aside, we will be the most loyal, trustworthy, and supportive partners someone has ever experienced… if they commit to the same things we do and allow for authenticity in both experiences.

The problem is, you cannot hold yourself to your authenticity if you do not know yourself in your authentic state.

If you don’t know yourself, you will lose any foundation of authenticity you ever tried to build, being replaced by whatever the other partner projects into your experience.

This is why I’m so adamant about being alone.

Is my body screaming out for human companionship? Yes.

Do I understand my authenticity through the choice of living with that pain, although pain isn’t quite the right word… maybe struggle? Yes.

By choosing to live authentically, I now know who I am, what I want, and will never sacrifice it to another.

Yes, but I do not want a relationship where the person is willing to be inauthentic. I want a truthful, loyal, transparent, healing relationship that goes deep, expands both of us in ways we never imagined, and reciprocates the energy I put into it and myself.

So when people ask, “Do you want kids?“

Yes, I say that enjoying my peace, my land, my aloneness. I look forward to the challenge. Do I want kids now? No, absolutely not. I haven’t even found the right woman to experience in a spiritual, frequency aligned way that would result in that experience.

I think back to the gratefulness I have by not having kids with other partners. Those who chose that experience have far greater difficulty bringing themselves the freedom to be in their highest states of authentic expression by having children with partners who were not aligned that often create more havoc and fear than love and peace in life.

Do I want kids? Sure… with the right person, but never with the wrong person.

I’ve sat down through the years to become myself. I’m growing and maintaining my authentic life experience. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a ton of unhealed shit.

I do.

Things that can only be healed through healthy partnership as they all relate to experiences with unhealthy partnership and unhealthy family dynamics.

Those wounds are not something I can magically heal on my own. I can understand them. I can acknowledge them. I can stitch them up so they aren’t bleeding everywhere. Until I have the proper medicine, the healthy relationship experience and family dynamic, they won’t heal closed.

That said, I’m not going to force it, especially in a way that siphons my energy or tries to reduce my authentic expression.

To give a simple example, I had issues with my ex scaring off my friends. My energy attracts a lot of feminine friends in a platonic experience. If I was with my ex, I would not be allowed to do this work with how many feminines I work with and how many of them are friends. Over the years, more women have shown that jealousy wound, which is something I cannot experience again.

I would have never understood how important that was to me without being alone to really sit with it. My feminine friends are an enormous part of my experience. Anyone who challenges that is not meant for my experience.

Unfortunately, jealousy wounds run strong, revealing themselves when people find out how many women I talk to in a platonic experience—but they can’t accept the platonic experience.

That would make me choose inauthentic experience if I chose the relationship. My friendships would diminish just like they did in the past. Many would probably disappear. I would likely become isolated again.

The beautiful thing is, the more we are in our truth, the more we align to the right person who will be able to offer us the same that we offer them.

It takes time.

We’re building a house, a light house, a beacon to send out the signal, the frequency and attract it to us.

Someone will find it sooner or later. Until then, enjoy life as an authentic version of yourself rather than allow energy drains, siphons, unaligned experiences alter your state of existence because of the expectation that we have to be in relationships.

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